Devil in the Details Read Online Free

circling, a pacer, a ruminator,
caught in my neural loops. For the next few years, I would circle
back to scrupulosity, then back to sanity, then back and forth
again. Eventually I ended up sane but religious, baal tshuva in the
ordinary sense.
    The continuation of my religious practice was a huge
disappointment to my family, who’d greeted my initial interest in
Judaism with a withering caveat: “You can pray all you want, but
we’re not going to stop eating pork.” They are the family that
bacon built – friends sometimes call us the Traifs – and they could
never comprehend my rejection of their staple food and lifestyle.
They had raised me to express my Jewishness by renting Woody Allen
movies, not by keeping kosher and observing Shabbat.
    When I was at my sickest, they painted a dark picture of what my
future as an observant Jew would entail: “You will marry a man who
wears knickers and a fur hat, and when you are out in public
passersby will laugh at you. He will make you shave your head and
wear a wig so unattractive that people will think it was assembled
from squirrel hides. The only restaurants you’ll patronize will be
cheerless establishments where you will be insulted by rude Israeli
waiters and forced to pay exorbitant prices for gray, leathery
brisket. Because all your time will be spent in synagogue, you will
never, ever have a tan. You will wear frumpy skirts, socks with
sandals, and you’ll never enjoy corn dogs, shellfish, or drinkable
wine.” How crushed they were when I got better only to keep up this
ridiculous religious practice. They had hoped I would come to my
senses and join the rest of them at the clambake.
    I never did, but things turned out okay anyway. They were wrong
about the fur hats and the bad food. The tan, however – they nailed
that one on the head.
    INTERSTITIAL
     
    A GUIDE TO PROPER HAND-WASHING TECHNIQUE
    Did you know that your hands are loaded with bacteria
and other contaminants? They’re filthy! They spread disease! Oh,
it’s just awful. And it’s not scientifically possible to sterilize
your hands. You can, however, get them really, really clean. Here’s
how!
First, you need to get some water going. We want it hot, hot,
hot! The hot-water tap is contaminated, but that’s okay, because
you’re about to wash. Touch it again, just to show how brave you
are. Touch it one more time. Three taps wards off bad things. Now
we’re ready to wash!
Next, choose your poison. What kind of soap is for you? Bar
soap is out; other people have probably used it (a possibility too
horrible to contemplate), and even if it’s unopened it’s made from
animal fats, which is revolting. The whole thing just seems so
dirty. Liquid soap it is! Choose an anti-bacterial formula if
you’re worried about contamination from germs. If you’re worried
about contamination from death, choose dishwashing liquid. It’s so
death-free it’s safe to use on plates and flatware! But only if
it’s BRAND-NEW . Even then, you never know. Okay,
let’s skip the soap altogether. Plain water will be fine.
Rub your hands together vigorously and scrub, scrub, scrub. The
Centers for Disease Control recommend you wash your hands for ten
seconds, but what do they know? If they’re such geniuses why do
people still get hepatitis? A full minute, minimum. How about this:
you keep your hands under that tap until you answer the
philosophical question ‘Is water clean?’
I don’t know if water is clean. What if water isn’t clean? What
if water just makes you dirtier?
You’ll wash and wash and wash but you’ll never be safe.
Okay, try not to think about it. Let’s just say water is clean
and move on.
But what if it’s not clean?
We’re moving on. This next part is tricky. Your hands are clean
– but they’re wet. How to get them dry without getting them dirty
again? The air-dry technique is best. Sure, it’s slow, but it’s
safe. Simply hold your hands in the air until they’re completely
dry. Be sure