Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine Read Online Free Page B

innocent it looks—not like an ‘asshole’ at all.” That changes everything: What are we supposed to yell at bad drivers?
     
    Should I bleach my anus?
    The skin around my asshole is sort of brown. My boyfriend says it’s normal, but he’s just trying to make me feel better. I am a very clean person. Is there a way to make my anus go back to its natural pink? I’ve heard you can bleach it.—L.T., Houston, Texas
    We never imagined we’d write these words in the Advisor, but here they are: Do not bleach your anus. Despite rumors that asshole brightening is the latest Hollywood craze, it’s a stunt that belongs in the next Jackass movie, not in your bedroom. Your boyfriend is right. Brown is your natural color, although your anus may appear more pink when you’re aroused.
     
     
     
    Bleaching is crazy. Instead, leave some petroleum jelly down there. After three days your anus will look and feel much lighter and cleaner.—L.L., San Jose, California
    And you’ll be prepared should any spontaneous butt fucking break out.
     
    Honey, have you seen my vibrator?
    My girlfriend wants to experiment with anal penetration, but I’ve heard stories about embarrassing trips to the emergency room because of “misplaced” sex toys. How can we be sure things don’t get stuck?—J.H., Los Angeles, California
    Be very, very careful. If that vibrator or butt plug doesn’t have a flange, or rim, think long and hard before sticking it in anyone’s bum, no matter how good you think it might feel. If there is an accident, don’t hesitate to visit the emergency room, and be honest when you get there. The doctors on duty have seen it all, evidenced by their habit of sharing outrageous pelvic X rays with medical journals. Besides dildos and vibrators, physicians have removed screwdrivers, artillery shells, curling irons, spatulas, baseballs, flashlights, candles, vegetables, a polyethylene waste trap from the U-bend of a sink, sewing needles, salami and shampoo bottles. For God’s sake, people, there’s no shame in buying and using toys designed for anal pleasure. It’s certainly safer than grabbing whatever’s handy.

 
     
    AURAL
    Stop, look, listen.

     
     
    How can I make my boyfriend scream?
    I’d like to make my boyfriend scream during sex. I get low growls and the occasional “Oh, yeah,” but I want him to yell stuff like “Yeah, baby!” or “Faster!” What can I do better?—J.L., Seattle, Washington
    It’s not you. Few people outside porn are screamers, though they always seem to live next door. The only reliable way to make a guy yell in bed is to grab his balls and pull. The best you can do otherwise is provide pleasant surprises—finger his ass while you blow him, lick his ass while you stroke him, do your Kegel exercises and squeeze his erection like a pump. He’ll probably just moan louder, but he’ll owe us a big favor.
     
    I like to hear about his ex-girlfriends
    My boyfriend is 37, and I’m 23. When we’re in bed, I like for him to pretend I’m someone from his past. I ask him first to give me details, such as how one of his ex-girlfriends liked to be fucked or who had the tightest pussy or the biggest tits. Then I pretend I’m her. While the sex is great, he is sometimes reluctant to do this, saying he just wants me to be me. I want him to do it every time we have sex, and I’m worried he’ll get bored with it. He says he’s never had any lover who wanted to play this game, but I am much younger and full of curiosity. Is this normal?—E.P., Carpentersville, Illinois
    He’s already bored. Your curiosity is understandable, but there is something to be said for being yourself. Role-playing once in a while is fun, but you’re not learning anything about yourself or him by constantly revisiting old ground. The question you should be asking is, What did each of your exes do that turned you on? Gather some intelligence, then mix their best moves with your own and give him something to remember