name, despite the size of the business. Not one freelancer or
part-timer called me by anything except Miss Facet. April was our only
full-time employee aside from me and she had been here almost from the
beginning.
“You’re welcome.”
I left my office door open and sat down at
the desk. I opened the folder before me and read through it quickly. Female,
early thirties, looking for Mr. Right. He must be: attractive,
health-conscious, sensitive but not overly sensitive, upper-middle class,
athletic, spiritual but not fanatically religious, into traveling, looking to
get married, and ready for kids in the next three to five years. The only
things she forgot to add was that he must have a big package and slay dragons
in his free time. Also, if she happens to eat a poison apple, his kiss will
bring her back from the dead.
I tossed the client folder back onto my desk,
not needing to read any further. Her expectations for a partner were beyond
realistic, but luckily for her, most men were completely unrealistic when they
described themselves. She’d be easy to pair with just about any professional in
his early to late thirties who was a tad obsessive about going to the gym and
only ate kale and boiled chicken. They’d marry quickly and for a few years,
maybe even a decade, they’d believe themselves happy and in love. The fantasy
would be nice, for a while.
The office phone rang above the music. April
paused the music mid-song and answered the phone politely. I was checking my
phone and not paying much attention to the conversation when she peeked her
head into my office.
“Miss Facet?”
“Yes, April. What is it?”
“Well, it’s a gentleman on the phone who
wants to speak with you directly.”
I sighed. “I take it you told him that we
always book free consultations first and that I don’t do phone interviews?”
“Yes, Miss Facet. But he was insistent. He
said that if you speak with him, he’ll pay you whatever you charge for an hour
and that the phone call won’t take nearly that long.”
“Fine, you take down his credit card info and
bill him for an hour. You tell him that if we go over an hour, he gets billed
for an additional hour, even if it’s only ten seconds. Once the charge clears,
you can transfer him into my office.”
I checked my emails while April did her thing.
I often dealt with very wealthy clients who were willing to pay to break the
rules, whether it was calling me on my personal cell phone or insisting on
meeting during non-office hours. It tended to add up to a substantial amount. I
usually used the money to give bonuses to the employees at Christmas. Last year
I was able to buy entirely new computers in addition to handing out the
bonuses. It’d been a good, but annoying, year.
April leaned her head in my office again and
gave me a thumbs up. I waved my hand to signal her to transfer the call and she
patched him through. My phone rang silently, as I had it setup to do, and I
picked up after the second ring.
“Hello, this is Julie Facet.”
“Hey Julie, my name is Stills. I’m not
calling for myself. I’m calling on behalf of my best friend.”
I sighed. This also happened more times than I
cared for. People would call up on behalf of their friends, wanting to sign
them up for my services. Sometimes it was a Christmas present or a birthday
present. Twice, it was a present for the anniversary of a divorce.
It typically didn’t go well. The person the
gift was intended for was either so surprised that they were embarrassed that
their friends would think they needed a “dating service”, to which I repeatedly
told them I wasn’t some cheap service for getting a person laid, or they were
downright offended. I had learned the hard way that when it comes to
matchmaking, the person has to volunteer himself. No exceptions.
“Stills, let me interrupt you here. I’m
sorry, but it’s company policy that we