A Treasury of Royal Scandals: The Shocking True Stories History's Wickedest Weirdest Most Wanton Kings Queens Read Online Free Page B
sure that any mistress she selected was uglier than she. When he was away visiting his Hanoverian homeland, the king always made sure he kept his wife apprised of his sexual exploits. Some of his letters, graphically detailing every conquest, reached thirty pages long! One paramour, Madame von Walmoden, so attracted the king that he determined to bring her back to England with him. “You must love Walmoden, for she loves me,” he excitedly wrote the queen.
The British people had almost as much fun at this king’s expense as they had at his father’s. On one occasion, a beaten-down old horse was turned loose in the streets of London bearing a placard that read: “Let nobody stop me. I am the King’s Hanover equipage going to fetch His Majesty and his whore to England.”
With his dull and dutiful monogamy, King George III set an entirely different tone from that of his two predecessors—except during his periodic bouts of madness. 5 Then he would shock those around him with his filthy mouth and unbridled libido, chasing terrified ladies of the court and begging them for sex. Ordinarily, though, George was a prude who thoroughly disapproved of the behavior of his large brood of dissolute sons. “They are the damndest millstones round the neck of any Government that can be imagined,” the Duke of Wellington once said of them.
At one point, the boys, who included the future kings George IV and William IV, had given George III fifty-seven grandchildren—fifty-six of them bastards. William was by far the busiest. Before he finally settled down and married, the prince had fallen in love with an actress named Mrs. Dorothy Jordon, with whom he had ten children. They all lived together in domestic harmony until it became increasingly obvious that he would inherit the throne of his overindulged brother, George IV, and would have to marry an acceptable wife.
As it was not expected that William would ever be king, he was never trained in the fine arts of courtly manners deemed necessary in a monarch. His boorish behavior sharply reflected this oversight. Writing his brother from the family’s homeland of Hanover in 1785, William complained about the lack of suitable women with whom to have affairs. He was, he said, forced to perform “with a lady of the town against a wall or in the middle of the parade.” He further added that he loathed “this damnable country, smoking, playing at twopenny whist, and wearing great big boots. Oh, for England and the pretty girls of Westminster; at least to such as would not clap or pox me every time I fucked.”
William IV’s successor and niece, Queen Victoria, may have left her name to an era of sexual repression and rigid morality in the nineteenth century, but within her marriage she was apparently quite the coquette. It was her husband, Prince Albert, who was actually the prude. Certainly her journal entries following her honeymoon give every indication that Victoria had enjoyed herself. Tremendously: “I NEVER NEVER spent such an evening!!! My DEAREST DEAREST DEAR Albert sat on a footstool by my side, and his excessive love and affection gave me feelings of heavenly love and happiness, I never could have hoped to have felt before! He clasped me in his arms, and we kissed each other again and again! His beauty, his sweetness and gentleness . . . really how can I ever be thankful enough for such a Husband !
“ His love and gentleness is beyond everything,” the gushing queen continued, “and to kiss that dear soft cheek, to press my lips to his, is heavenly bliss . . . Oh! was ever woman so blessed as I am!” Of course there’s nothing remotely scandalous in these sweet passages written by a passionate woman so obviously in love. It’s just fun to note that they came from such a notorious sourpuss, famous for her critique of a comedy she once attended: “We are not amused.”
Victoria’s great-grandson, Edward VIII, gave up his throne in 1936 to marry “the
The British people had almost as much fun at this king’s expense as they had at his father’s. On one occasion, a beaten-down old horse was turned loose in the streets of London bearing a placard that read: “Let nobody stop me. I am the King’s Hanover equipage going to fetch His Majesty and his whore to England.”
With his dull and dutiful monogamy, King George III set an entirely different tone from that of his two predecessors—except during his periodic bouts of madness. 5 Then he would shock those around him with his filthy mouth and unbridled libido, chasing terrified ladies of the court and begging them for sex. Ordinarily, though, George was a prude who thoroughly disapproved of the behavior of his large brood of dissolute sons. “They are the damndest millstones round the neck of any Government that can be imagined,” the Duke of Wellington once said of them.
At one point, the boys, who included the future kings George IV and William IV, had given George III fifty-seven grandchildren—fifty-six of them bastards. William was by far the busiest. Before he finally settled down and married, the prince had fallen in love with an actress named Mrs. Dorothy Jordon, with whom he had ten children. They all lived together in domestic harmony until it became increasingly obvious that he would inherit the throne of his overindulged brother, George IV, and would have to marry an acceptable wife.
As it was not expected that William would ever be king, he was never trained in the fine arts of courtly manners deemed necessary in a monarch. His boorish behavior sharply reflected this oversight. Writing his brother from the family’s homeland of Hanover in 1785, William complained about the lack of suitable women with whom to have affairs. He was, he said, forced to perform “with a lady of the town against a wall or in the middle of the parade.” He further added that he loathed “this damnable country, smoking, playing at twopenny whist, and wearing great big boots. Oh, for England and the pretty girls of Westminster; at least to such as would not clap or pox me every time I fucked.”
William IV’s successor and niece, Queen Victoria, may have left her name to an era of sexual repression and rigid morality in the nineteenth century, but within her marriage she was apparently quite the coquette. It was her husband, Prince Albert, who was actually the prude. Certainly her journal entries following her honeymoon give every indication that Victoria had enjoyed herself. Tremendously: “I NEVER NEVER spent such an evening!!! My DEAREST DEAREST DEAR Albert sat on a footstool by my side, and his excessive love and affection gave me feelings of heavenly love and happiness, I never could have hoped to have felt before! He clasped me in his arms, and we kissed each other again and again! His beauty, his sweetness and gentleness . . . really how can I ever be thankful enough for such a Husband !
“ His love and gentleness is beyond everything,” the gushing queen continued, “and to kiss that dear soft cheek, to press my lips to his, is heavenly bliss . . . Oh! was ever woman so blessed as I am!” Of course there’s nothing remotely scandalous in these sweet passages written by a passionate woman so obviously in love. It’s just fun to note that they came from such a notorious sourpuss, famous for her critique of a comedy she once attended: “We are not amused.”
Victoria’s great-grandson, Edward VIII, gave up his throne in 1936 to marry “the
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