A Girl Is a Half-Formed Thing Read Online Free

Went into the dark closed curtains of it and shut the door on us.
    We standing and hunkered there on the landing. Me intrigued by my bleeding. Pump skull and brain around is what it felt. You turned your face to the corner. Glowing red and white with welts. Stood there until you managed to pull down all your sobs. I heard you grasp your breathing. Still it.
    Took me hot hand to the bathroom then and water on my face. Gentle wiping, saying there now it’s alright. Cleaned blood from me like I saw at school. Head back gulping the thicky flow. Now, you say, we’ll be good. Now we’ll do what we are told. Maybe she’ll forgive us if we’ll be good. Alright? We’ll be good now. I said stupid shit fuck piss cow bitch frigger shiter fucker bitch pig. Stop it, don’t say that you said. You have to be good. I said, she can’t hear you now.
    Tomato soup we made. You opened and only tipped a little on the sideboard block. I wiped it in the darkness. We were keeping still as still. Didn’t even turn the light on while you lit the gas. Poured such red soup into that pot. Set it whisper down on the stove. And stirred it with the wooden spoon so we would not scrape. Poured in a white bowl. With a slice of bread. Some kitchen roll folded on the tray. A proper soup spoon by the side plate. I carried it although you were bigger. Not to drop it. I was careful and your hand might slip. Put it down there. On the floor there. Just beside her door. Then you knocked it. Very gentle. Saying Mammy in a whisper here’s your dinner that we made. We had a talk and we’ll be good from now on and do everything you say. All the time. Please don’t send me to handicap school.
    Then a wait. We heard her walk across the bedroom floor. Quiet. Foot by foot. And she opened up the door looking all tired out and white. Bent down and lifted it. Saying thank you children. We’ll see in the morning. Go on to bed now. Goodnight.

 
    5
     
     
     
    Get up from that bed. Come on we’re late. Ah Mammy. It’ll do you no harm Madam to show the Lord you care. But I feel sick at mass. None of that please. There’s no fresh air in there. Get you your shoes on we haven’t got time for this.
    Grannies rap their hearts. I know that from hot mass when they say Jesus’ name. My feet hurt, knees hurt on the kneeler where someone’s foot left shoe dirt there – sorry will you let me through. All the people up and down saying Christ has died Christ has risen Christ will come again. Mammy I can’t see the altar. Lift me up til my legs go dead.
    It’s a dangerous place for smacking mass. Any trying to run up the aisle. Get back here. Climbing through the seats ahead. Sorry. Sit down. Sucking tissues or getting under the pew. That’s a good thump in the back. Stand up here and it goes right through your lungs. I like that, to make men from sucked toilet paper. I have plenty and I never clean my nose. Stop that dirty thing. You get it for GI Joe man banging on the floor. But he’s jumping. Ssssh. But Mammy he’s. Ssssh. Jumping off Niagara Falls. Stop. That. Now. Ow. Be quiet I said.
    And when we go out all the old ones saying would you look at that, and aren’t they great at their age you can get them to behave at all. At that age mine were up to all sorts. Sure they had my heart broke. She smiles says they’re a handful, but you wouldn’t be without them would you? No. Thanks be to God.
    Do you like coming to God’s house? In the car home. Careful. And for this the answer’s yes. Would you not rather be watching the telly? No Mammy I wouldn’t. No.
    She offers demure love now and saintly head. Sign of the cross. Kissing beads. And bible stories every day and night. All the eating locusts I liked. Hair shirt sticking in the skin. Devils in the wilderness and stones for bread. A good suffering Jesus. Lank and ribs, tats hanging in his hair. Sore and sticking on the cross even more.
    On my own, draw marker on his picture flesh. Quiet or it would be a