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pulled out her compact and checked her lip gloss. The pink shade was a perfect contrast against her dark skin. Even in gym class every day, Marisa managed to look glam. Not me. I'd half thought to put some makeup on besides my typical black eyeliner that morning, but I hadn't had time. And I didn't have a reason to spruce myself up for anyone.
    "So ... did you hear that Dan Blake is having a party on Friday?" Marisa clicked the compact shut and smoothed her long black bangs behind her ears.
    "Great. Sounds like a good-ol' time."
    "I was thinking we should go." She watched me as I crumpled the paper bagel bag.
    "What makes you think that I'd want to go to a party with those guys?"
    "They used to be our friends," she said.
    "You can totally go if you want to," I said. "It's fine. Don't hold yourself back if you want to hang out with them."
    Marisa's stern look softened. "Hols, at some point, you get to be yourself again. You even get to have fun. Let's check it out."
    "It's not a good idea," I said. "I can't imagine partying with them would be much fun for me."
    "Sooner or later you're going to get over him, right?"
    I didn't bother answering. I'd known Marisa since we were in the fourth grade. She was the one person I could turn to, the one person who'd stuck with me. After Rob's funeral, I cried in her arms. I broke down with her and no one else. But right now, I didn't think she got me at all.
    Marisa rattled the ice in her cup, poking the straw deeper. "It might actually be fun."
    "I don't think it'd work, anyway. I probably have to sit with Lena and Grandpa that night," I said quickly. A little too quickly, maybe.
    She studied me for a moment and then said, "Wnewhen saiell, what if I went?" She gave the plastic coffee cup another shake.
    "You'd really go without me?" I tried to keep the hurt from my voice. "I mean that's totally your right and all, but I guess I—"
    "Listen, if you don't want me to go, then I won't go," said Marisa.
    "No, no. Do whatever you want. Anyway, like I said, I've gotta stay home."
    Her face brightened, and it was totally lame of me, but I felt kind of annoyed by that. I loved my best friend. I wanted her to come over to my house, watch crap TV with me, and then maybe go down to the mall. I wanted to go to her house and let her dig around in her infinite closet to find me a cool outfit to borrow. I wanted to sit with her at her family table and eat yummy basmati rice and curried spinach with homemade cheese called
paneer
that her mom made from scratch. I wanted to do what we always did, but most of all I didn't want her
to want
to hang with them.
    She stood up and straightened her black T-shirt over the low waistband of her jeans, and then fluffed the turquoise scarf around her neck. "Ready?"
    "Yeah. Let's go," I said. I dumped my trash and followed her out the cafeteria doors. As I saw her turn to go down the hall to her first period English class, I felt a little pang of something. Maybe I was jealous of her being happy or whatever.
    "God. Suck it up already," I said under my breath.
    I shouldered my messenger bag and schlepped down the hall to drop off some of my books. And then I saw Jason Markham hanging out near my locker.
    I ducked around a corner, watching him lean against the wall near a poster for a blood drive. Dark hair falling over one eye. A charcoal gray V-neck sweater. Faded Levi's that nearly hid the tops of his black Converse Top-Siders. A few girls passed him, smiling, but he didn't pay them any attention. He just looked at his watch again and studied the flow of kids in the hall. Finally, the bell rang and he hustled off in the opposite direction. I stood there, in my hiding place near the end of the section of lockers, catching my breath.
    "What do you want?"
    Some girl passing me stopped. "Huh? Are you talking to me?"
    "No. Sorry." I cruised down the hall to first period, pretending I wasn't wondering why Jason had been waiting for me. I didn't wantanything to do with those