Where the Ivy Hides Read Online Free

knows. Hell, he always knows. Who am I kidding?
    “You’re fucking stoned. Again. It’s not downers this time, thank fuck, but you’re high just the same. The day after you od’d on God knows what. What the fuck do you want me to do with this shit? I’m just supposed to keep watching you tear yourself apart and put you back together every time I finally get me hands on ya? And then, until when? Until it gets boring for ya, or until you fucking kill yourself?!”
    My voice begins as soft as a calmly spoken vow, “Yeah. Let’s talk about until I kill myself, shall we? How many times do you think you can keep saving me before you just fucking can’t anymore? Huh? Then what? Then shit’ll be straight enough for you?!” But in the end, I’m screaming bloody murder.
    I’m not mad or angry with him. I’m tired of him. I’m tired of him always fixing me. I’m tired of being the one always needing to be fixed. I don’t not like myself, or particularly hate my life, I’m just over it. I don’t see the fucking point anymore… and I’m so fucking tired of the never ending cycle. As well as the sadness darkening Ryker’s eyes as they settle on the scars on my inner wrists.
    “Are you ever going to learn to just give up?” I quietly ask.
    “Yes. As soon as you learn to give into me, Winter Ivy, I’ll give up on you. Deal?” He smiles and it makes the sting of his words lessen, as does his warm kiss.
    Before I know it, I’m under, again.
    He’s chaos. He’s everywhere, and in everything. He drives me mad, and he uses me up, then leaves me for dead, and I’m okay with that. Because as long as we’re here, right now, and I am his everything, then nothing else matters. Nothing.
     
    Somewhere between my tears and his kisses, even with the uppers on board, I must have drifted asleep, only to be awakened by his weight dipping the mattress.
    “Sorry. I was trying not to wake ya, love. What’d you take at Jaci’s? Enough to keep you up a few days, probably, huh?”
    “Probably,” I mutter.
    The awkward silence is deafening, but I refuse to break it.
    After a few minutes, he finally nods. “Probably. Okay. Well, you wanna stay here? Blythe’s is out of the question, and I’m sure you’re probably pissed at Jaci for telling me where you were at, so…”
    “Sure. But can I ask you something?”
    “Anything. You know that, Ivy.” His kisses are warm and wet and divine, and when his tongue brushes mine, chill bumps break out across my skin.
    “Why won’t you take my virginity? Or whatever’s left of it? I want you to take it, there isn’t anyone else for me besides you, and I’m not just saying it to say it or because I’m young and stupid. I mean it, Ryker.”
    His chuckle is probably taken out of context, but in my mind, he’s laughing at my idiotic seventeen-year-old concocted ideas. He’s laughing at me and therefore brushing me off. Before I can think rashly I’m off the bed, shoving my bare feet into my doc martin boots and pulling my wife-beater t-shirt over my head.
    “Never-fucking-mind.” I storm towards the door.
    “Winter FUCKING IVY!” He shouts, “Stop right there, love.” His hands are gripping my shoulders then suddenly there is no space between us. There’s no him ending and me beginning, we’re just us. Taking what we can and giving what we can’t. It’s just his mouth on mine, his hot breath mixing with mine. It’s rough. It’s hurried. It’s hungry. And as soon as I forget what the hell it was I was saying or trying to prove, I’m lost, then just as abruptly, I’m alone.
    Left standing bereft in his place, with my mouth hanging open as his riddles and words settle around me, “I’m taking as much of you as I can. But I won’t take of ya what you won't let me bloody catch, and that's your heart, love. Do you understand?”
    “Yes.” I say I do…even though I don’t.
    The door closes after he leaves, and I want so badly to scream. But I won’t.

Chapter