What Does Blue Feel Like? Read Online Free Page B

just won’t go away.
    Because everybody, everybody in the school says that
    Char and Jim drink too much.
    Because she might as well be walking around with a sign
    on her head that says In Danger .
So yeah
    So yeah, I’m crap at school.
    (Why don’t you just call me stupid, lady?)
    So yeah, I can’t sleep real good. (Who does?)
    So yeah, we go out and party.
    (Why is that anyone else’s business? And it’s not like
    we’re the only ones at those parties anyway.)
    So yeah, I’m not doing so good right now.
    So yeah, it’s really none of your goddamn business.
    So yeah, can I go back to class now?

Bronwyn talks
    Bronwyn still sits next to Char in some classes, because
    she can either sit there or with the computer geeks
    who ask you out whenever you sit next to them.
    So she sits next to Char, and today
    Bronwyn talks.
    She tells Char about her job,
    her latest boyfriend,
    the fight with her parents last night,
    how much her streaks cost,
    how this term has really been a bitch.
    Char isn’t listening, not properly.
    When the bell rings she gets up and
    leaves the room,
    leaving
    Bronwyn in the middle of a sentence,
    mouth open.

Char drinks
    Char doesn’t go home that night.
    She stays with Jim instead,
    almost forgetting to call her parents and tell them where
    she is.
    Her olds aren’t impressed
    of course,
    but they don’t know
    how to say no.
    Jim’s parents are home,
    but they leave them be.
    Unlike Julie and Paul,
    these parents are the kind
    who don’t mind what their teenagers get up to
    as long as it isn’t dangerous.
    Jim’s mum says,
    â€˜There’s a lot of worse things in this world
    than your kids having a few drinks at home,
    and besides
    it’s better if you learn to drink
    somewhere safe
    than in a nightclub or pub.’
    Char knows
    her mum would have a fit
    if she heard Jim’s mum say that.
    Luckily for Char,
    that isn’t going to happen.

Watched
    They wake up on the floor.
    Late for school.
    Char is wearing her bra and undies, and yesterday’s
    smudgy eyeliner.
    And Jim is wearing yesterday’s school shorts.
    Char is still sick,
    and she ducks into an old lady’s rose garden to spew
    on the way to school.
    She looks like shit, she knows,
    but can’t really bring herself to care.
    She can feel eyes on her from halfway across the school.
    It’s that nosey old bat of a school counsellor.
    Char knows that she is being
    watched.
    Very carefully.
    Â 
    When Char goes home,
    her mother watches her.
    She can think of many things she wants to say to this
    strange (stranger) child
    but nothing will come out.
    She wants to yell and scream until her throat is hoarse.
    She wants to say, ‘What’s worrying you, baby? Talk to me.’
    She wants to shake Char until she snaps out of it.
    But she can’t do it all at once
    and she can’t decide what to do first.
    So she just watches.
    Very carefully.

Haunted/hunted
    I’m haunted.
    Haunted hunted haunted.
    Stalked.
    Like some exotic animal wanted for their fur.
    So I move stealthily around floorboards, furniture,
    but the eyes are on me.
    I get so paranoid
    that I check my desk, cupboards, under the bed,
    for cameras and microphones.
    Parents these days are high-tech.
    Highly into being sneaky.
    I wouldn’t put it past mine.
Rubbish
    Char reads an article in the newspaper
    about how drinking can age your skin,
    make you fat as it
    poisons your body,
    kills your body.
    It’s probably all rubbish, she tells herself,
    but her tummy protests that thought.
    She’s been feeling sick for a while now
    and her body really doesn’t feel too good.
    But neither does her head.

Mirror mirror
    As she’s about to get into the shower
    Char glances, then looks, really looks in the
    bathroom mirror.
    She’s pale, paler than normal.
    Black under eyes that keeps creeping further south.
    Blotches on skin.
    She touches one, gingerly,
    resisting the