Watchin' The Detective: A Mystery Dinner Romance Read Online Free

never call? My heart. It
has been breaking!”
    The groom looks stunned and says, “Yvette, is
it really you?”
    The bride clears her throat and says with a
Southern accent, “Ahem. You two? Hello? I’m here.”
    She is invisible as far as Yvette is
concerned. The singer hams it up and says to him, “I’ve been trying
to find you. I’m pregnant, Pierre. The child’s father—it is
you!”
    The pianist plays a few bars,
melodramatically.
    The bride’s face is frozen in shock. An Arab
man walks in and says, “What’s going on in here? Why has the music
stopped! Yvette, stop talking to the customers and get back up on
the stage and start singing again. You’re not getting paid to
chit-chat, you know.”
    She says to him, “Hamid. This man, he is de
father of my unborn child,” she says, holding her belly like it is
precious cargo.
    He answers, “I don’t care if he’s the Sheik
of Araby. Get back to singing…or else?!”
    “You frighten me, Hamid.”
    “Good! Now get your derriere back up there
and sing, I tell ya.”
    “Oui, monsieur.”
    She starts singing “Zou Bisou Bisou” and
shimmies over to the groom.
    The bride is not amused and tries to scare
her off with a knife that’s on the table. The chanteuse leaves the
groom, circles the room, and looks for men she can sing to and make
the groom jealous.
    She comes over to Joshua and sits on his lap.
She runs her fingers through his hair. Isabella looks over at
Nicole. “Didn’t I tell ya?” she whispers to her friend. Joshua
seems to be enjoying himself until the singer stands up and looks
for other victims in the audience.
    Suddenly, the chef comes out of the kitchen,
whisk in hand. He is furious and shouts, “Someone dared to ask for
de substitutes! That’s it! I am finis! I am an artiste! I will not
have my reputation ruined by some…(he pauses for effect)…by some
imbecile wanting substitutes! Mon dieu. Adieu. I refuse to cook for
Philistines!” He storms out the door.
    The audience applauds his emoting and the
maid of honor who’s sitting next to the bride stands up and says,
“What about the rest of the meal? Are we going to have to make it
ourselves?”
    Hamid comes back out and says to the
audience, “I am so sorry everybody. Our chef has just quit. I’m
afraid the cast is going to have to prepare the rest of the meal
for you.”
    The bride is mock-outraged. “This is supposed
to be the best night of my life and look what’s happened. First
this floozy is all over my husband and then the chef leaves and I
must cook my own wedding supper.”
    Hamid says, “I’m afraid so, Madame.”
    The cast stands up from the table and throw
their napkins down. They follow each other, one by one into the
kitchen. Hamid says to the chanteuse, “You too, canary.”
    She protests, “What about the piano
player?”
    “He can stay to entertain the guests.”
    She leaves in a huff.
     
    *******
     
    The cast is gone for a short time before they
return to the dining room, carrying plates. The chanteuse serves
everyone at Isabella’s table. “Are you one of the murder suspects?”
Isabella asks her, playing along.
    The singer is taken aback and says, “Murder?
There’s no murder ‘appening? What do you know? I must keep my eyes
on you,” she says, pointing at Isabella, raising two fingers
towards her own eyes, and then pointing back at her.
    “I’m watching you, too,” Isabella says,
playing along, and repeating the gesture right back at her.
    The groom and the maid of honor come out of
the kitchen yelling at each other. The maid of honor says, “How
could you have cheated on me with that singer.”
    “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he
protests.
    “Who else have you been sleeping with?”
    “You got it all wrong. I love my bride.”
    The bride, who is serving one of the tables
says, “Did someone speak my name?”
    Her maid of honor says, “No. Nobody said
anything about you.”
    “Oh. Okay,” she says, looking confused