or explode. I tried putting ice on it, courtesy of the minibar, but it made little to no difference.
I don’t know what I’m going to say to Mel when she sees me, but I can’t stay in this hotel forever. I checked in under the cover of darkness and leave before the sun gets up. I know it’s a little crazy, but I want to do all I can to avoid people at the moment. My arms are bruised, and my face is a mess. And then there’s my head—I feel like all the wires in my brain have disconnected.
Shit. I mean, what the hell do I do? Before this happened, I was just worried about little old me and my silly little problems. But now I’m worried about everything —the police getting involved, Mel, my parents, the family house, Hugo and how violent he was last night, whether I should marry him or not … I know I shouldn’t. I KNOW THAT. Every particle of me is screaming for me not to, but it’s not that simple. It’s not that easy to walk away, especially knowing that if I do, my family will lose everything.
I don’t drive straight back to Mel’s. I put it off for at least eight hours and then some. I’m not ready to answer questions yet. How am I supposed to convince anyone that everything is fine when I can’t even convince myself?
I drive back to where Hugo and I were parked last night when I spoke to Dad. I don’t know what made me come back here—I guess I thought maybe I’d get some sort of divine intervention, a message or a clear voice telling me exactly what I should do. But I don’t.
Instead, I sit and wait in silence, watching the planes come and go, watching the raindrops run down the tinted windows of the car. I thought I was smart; my grades always indicated that I was. But now I know there’s a heck of a big difference between street smart and school smart because if I were so smart, I wouldn’t even be contemplating getting back with him. Yet here I am, doing exactly that. And then there’s Ash. What the heck do I do about him? Push him away? Ignore the feelings I have every time I’m around him? Ignore the weekend we spent together? Ignore the freedom I felt in his arms?
When I finally convince myself that living on the side of the road in Hugo’s car isn’t a viable career option, it’s completely dark out. I’ve been here all day, yet it feels like only one minute has passed. I don’t know if I was awake the entire time or asleep. The drive back to Mel’s is long and boring. In normal circumstances, I would have had the radio up full-blast, windows down, and the breeze rippling through my hair. But not this time. Right now, I can’t think straight.
The noise from my red-faced monkey is driving me bonkers. The little furry shit is having a field day amongst the broken wires of my brain, and I want to scream at it, but I don’t even have the energy.
Thank god for Hugo’s inbuilt GPS, otherwise, I never would have found my way back. If you get in the wrong lane here, it’s not like you can just pull over and ask some dear old lady. Oh no. You’ve got to keep driving and driving in the nose-to-tail traffic until the next exit appears and then try to figure out where you went wrong and how you can get back on track.
I miss home. I miss my old life—the simple one. To make me seem even more cuckoo, I’m still wearing his ring—the one that he so romantically shoved onto my finger. The thing is, right at the moment, I can’t decide if it’s going to stay or go, but I’m worried that if I take it off, I’ll lose it. Or at least, that’s what I’m telling myself.
We’re done, monkey ! I smile, pulling into Mel’s driveway and yanking on the hand break. I’m taking a shower now, and good luck trying to harsh my mellow in there .
Minutes after I shuffle inside, my phone rings. It’s Hugo. I don’t know how I feel. Nervous? Numb? Frightened? If I’m honest with myself, probably all three. But I’ve got to take the call. I