to buckle and slammed him back onto where he’d been seated,
hampered that.
“You see,” he calmly went on over Luciano’s mutters
of him being a bevy of horrible, godforsaken things. “Your sister-in-law is on
a warpath for a baby. A baby that she’s willing to damage us
both for. And by damage, I mean she’s trying to snap my dick in half.”
Once again, Luciano tried his hand at moving. Once
again, Sansone brought him back down. A shot to the
gut did the work for him.
“Sex in my household has become a chore, Luc. I cannot
step across the threshold without finding myself in a multitude of
uncomfortable and unreasonably awkward positions.” He turned to partially face
his gasping and cursing sibling. “How does a woman, a human woman, rip boxers? Sturdy, athletic, expensiveboxers? When did that become a
thing?” Sansone bit the inside of his cheek. “When
did I lose the right to say ‘no’? Where did I go so wrong in the midst of my
marriage that I would now rather set my beautiful, full, wondrously sculpted
eyebrows on fire as opposed to going
home to my wife? As opposed to watching her plant her feet on the bed after
sex, thrust her hips up into my face before asking me, ‘ Did all of it go in this time? Are you sure all of it went in this time?”
“If I have to fucking crawl back to my truck, I
will,” Lucian gritted out, shoving Sansone’s hand off
of his shoulder so that he could move away. “But I refuse to sit through more
of this.”
Taking his brother’s forearm, he bent it up behind
Luciano’s back and wrapped his free arm around the man’s neck, holding him in
place. “Listen to me,” Sansone murmured against his
sibling’s ear. “I’ve spent the last several months doing yoga with parts of my
body that I’m sure I’m not supposed to have complete control of because my
lovely spouse suggested that perhaps I’m not limber enough. There is a
frightening strength in me that I’d rather not reveal, so if I were you, I’d
remain where you currently are and take in every word of my complaints.
Otherwise I’ll wrap my entire being around your oversized muscle mass and
squeeze you to death like a giant anaconda that has had the luck of stumbling
upon an unsuspecting wildebeest. Capiche ? ”
Luciano nodded, tapping Sansone’s arm until he released him.
Easing back, Sansone said,
“I shower in fear. I sleep in fear. I dress in fear. I eat in fear. I’ve hidden in closets, beneath beds and even inside
of the patio crawl space out on the deck just to avoid small, incredibly strong
hands. Hands that I’ve become tempted into shocking with a cattle prod because they just won’t stop touching me!” He
stopped and sucked in a breath. “I don’t know what to do, what to say. All I
receive in communications now are monosyllabic words that mostly consist of, ‘Pants. Off.’ I’m terrified that it will
only advance to her grunting harshly and pointing to her crotch. I am in need
of help, possibly counseling.” Sansone nodded,
speaking more to himself than Luciano now. “Yeah, counseling.”
The other man was quiet for a minute
before he decided to imbue all of the wisdom his simple, Philly bred soul had
to give when he said, “Pack her up, put her on a plane, and take her out to an
island where there are possibly boars still running free. Be accommodating only
to a certain extent and remind her that what you do— everything that you do—doesn’t have to simply revolve around
the creation of some large haired cretin that I will most likely knock over on
occasion just for the hell of it. Remind her that there is a man behind the
genitalia, and while he will never match me in looks, charm, or general worth,
he still exists. He exists and he matters. Don’t give her what she wants until
you’re good and goddamn ready to. When you finally do, don’t dress your dick in a top hat and monocle before
presenting it. Don’t be polite. Rain down every drop of filth your