Underneath It All Read Online Free Page A

her.
                  I saw her as both my mother and my father and I respected her grind. I know the hours she kept took a toll on her health and her body but she did what she had to do and never complained to make sure we didn’t want for anything. If we were poor, I never knew it. I wanted to be just like her.
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                  I believe that the earliest memory of what a man should be and the kind of man a girl ultimately ends up being with is painted in the image of her father. Since my father wasn’t around, I had several different male figures in my life to look up to.
                  I was around seven at the time my mother left my father and remarried Brian. I don’t remember being formally introduced to Brian, I just recall instantly feeling safe when he was around. Brian is Italian and Danish and extremely handsome. He used to wear his dark hair in this rat-tail kind of haircut and everyone thought he was a stud.
                  He was a big deal because he filled the role of my father. I think I instantly loved Brian because of how happy he made my mother. From the day they met things seemed to become better for her and for us as well. As I got older Brian became daddy to me and my sisters. I knew he wasn’t my biological father but that didn’t change the way we felt about him or the way that he treated us.
                  In the beginning I don’t think Brian wanted to get that close to us. He wasn’t the affectionate type so while he wouldn’t give us hugs or kisses, he provided for us and made sure we had everything we needed and I think that was his way of letting us know that he cared and loved us just as much as we loved him.
                  Not only did Brian’s presence make us happy but it also relieved my sister Lisa of the burden that she had with taking care of us and trying to fill the void of my mother not having a man around. This was a turning point for Lisa because she was finally able to take care of herself and work on her own issues. Brian gave her the out she needed and once she saw that my mother no longer depended on her as much, she moved out. I’m not really sure if Lisa was jealous of the relationship my mother and Brian had or maybe she felt like they weren’t as close as they used to be but the dynamic in the house had definitely changed.
                  Although Lisa was gone she still came by to check on me and pick me up from school. I would often pretend that she and her boyfriend Darryl were my parents. Darryl would spoil me with anything that I wanted whether it was a new doll, an outfit, or a fresh new pair of kicks.
                  Unlike Brian, Darryl was very affectionate, and from what I could tell he treated my sister very well or at least I thought. I think my mother knew that Darryl was abusive because she would sometimes see bruises on her but we never witnessed it.
                  Soon Lisa’s visits became less and less and I soon replaced her with my sister Linda. When Lisa left I think that Linda felt as though she was losing her best friend and inheriting her responsibilities.
                  Linda would get Jason and I ready for school, pick us up, do homework with us and then make sure she cooked and the house was clean when my mother got home. I think in a way she resented my mom because she wanted to be able to be a kid and have her own life.                            
                  At around the time I was nine or ten, Linda met Pedro. For me, Pedro was that example of what it looked like when a man really loved a woman. He would go above and beyond to make Linda happy and it was so cute because he would sometimes come up to my school during recess or show up at my mother’s job to tell us what he had just bought Linda.
                  I knew Linda loved Jason with all her