with, and yet whenever I do, I get a little rush in my belly that I never felt when I was swooning overRoderick or a handsome teacher.
‘Are you sure?’ Dad’s peering at me and I realise I’m blushing. Again. I hate being pale.
‘No one special,’ I say, and he just looks worried. Great, now he probably thinks I sleep around.
We make small talk for a bit then we drive to Granma’s, who fusses over me and gives me cake. It’s late afternoon before I remember I was going to visit Rianne today. When I ask Dad to drive me there instead of home I’m sure he looks disappointed. Does he really think he could have another chance with Mum?
Apparently so, as it’s the first thing he says when we get back into the car.
‘So, your mum hasn’t met anyone yet then?’ He tries to sound nonchalant, but the look of relief when I shake my head is pitifully obvious.
‘I’m surprised, she’s a beautiful woman. You look exactly like her at that age you know.’
It always makes me feel funny to think that when Mum was my age, they had already had me. Although we’re close she’s always drummed it into me how hard it was having a baby so young, and I can’t help thinking that’s maybe another reason I’ve held off on the whole boyfriend thing. Rianne always looks so tired and stressed out now, having Gabriel seems to have aged her about ten years. And she swears blind she was on the Pill.
Dad looks concerned when he drops me off at her house; a little two up two down right in the middle of the roughest street on the Estate.
‘Do you want me to pick you up later?’
‘I’ll be fine,’ I reassure him. ‘I’ll call Mum if it’s late.’
He tuts and gives me the money for a cab, before letting me out and driving off with a little wave over his shoulder. I wave back, feeling bad for my mean comment earlier. Isuppose it would be kind of nice if he did stick around.
Rianne opens the door looking wild-eyed and I can hear little Gabriel squawking away in the background.
‘He’s been like this for
hours,’
she moans, ushering me in. She’s lost weight, and there are bags under her eyes that you could carry your shopping in.
In the poky front room Gabriel lies screaming in one of those swingy chair things. Rianne picks him up, putting him over her shoulder and patting his back. He stops for a second and looks up at her, then promptly starts screaming again, his little face all scrunched up and red. Rianne looks up at the clock.
‘He’s due a bottle now so he might sleep after, thank God. Here, just hold him a minute.’ She passes the baby to me and hurries into the kitchen.
I freeze, holding a screaming Gabriel in my lap as if he’s made of china. I’ve held him a few times and even changed him once but he’s never been crying like this before, and the way he’s writhing around I’m terrified I’m going to drop him. He looks up at me accusingly with his bright blue eyes full of tears, and I feel an almost primal urge to comfort him, though I wouldn’t have a clue where to start.
Rianne comes back and he reaches for her as soon as he sees the bottle in her hands. As soon as he’s on her lap being fed, his tears disappear and he closes his eyes, making cute sucking noises on the bottle.
‘Where’s Mitch?’ I ask, referring to her boyfriend and Gabriel’s dad.
‘At his mums, getting some sleep. He’s on nights at the factory, and with Gabe screaming like this all day he needs some peace.’
Mitch is a good guy, he’s stood by her and works long hours to provide for them all, but it means she’s on her own a lot, and they’re both exhausted. He’s only eighteen; hewas going to college to study engineering until Rianne fell pregnant. I can’t help wondering if they ever regret their decision, but I’d never ask her that. It must have been like this for Mum and Dad once.
‘How’s Dannii? Is she still with that Brian?’
Shows how close her and Dannii are now.
‘She’s started seeing