Uncle John's Bathroom Reader The World's Gone Crazy Read Online Free Page B
Author: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
high school, Icelanders must speak 3 languages: Danish, English, and Icelandic .
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CRAZY WORLD RECORDS
Uncle John holds the world record for the most pages ever read on the throne (234,815 and counting). Here are some other dubious achievements .
• Christian Adam of Germany set the distance record for riding a bicycle backward while playing the violin: 37.5 miles. It took him a little more than five hours. He played J. S. Back…er, Bach.
• For 20 minutes of “every waking hour” for 16 years, Australian Les Stewart spelled out every number from one to one million on his typewriter. He went through seven typewriters and 1,000 ink ribbons. Now he not only owns a world record but a 19,890-page book consisting of every spelled-out number up to one million.
• On May 6, 2009, Eric “No Class” Matyjasik of Arizona unzipped his pants 162 times in 30 seconds, breaking the old record by 27 zips.
• Artist Maria Reidelbach built the world’s largest garden gnome in 2006. It stands 13 feet, 6 inches, and lives on a miniature golf course in Kerhonkson, New York. The gnome’s name: Gnome Chomsky, a play on the name of linguist and philosopher Noam Chomsky (who is only about half as tall as Gnome Chomsky).
• The unofficial world record for staying awake: 18 days, 17 hours, set by Maureen Weston of England while participating in a rocking-chair marathon. Although she hallucinated quite a bit, she says she hasn’t suffered any long-term health effects.
• An exotic dancer who goes by the name Maxi Mounds is the proud owner of the world’s largest augmented breasts. Each of Mounds’s mounds weighs 20 pounds; her bust measurement is about 60 inches.
• Naya Ganj of India has the world’s longest ear hair. “Making it into Guinness is special for my family! God has been very kind to me!” said the guy with 5.25 inches of hair growing from his ears.
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World record for the most people in one place dressed up like Smurfs: 451 .
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THE BIG DUMP CONTINUES
And other actual headlines ripped from news stories of the recent, strange past .
Main Street merchants want crack at market
9-Year-Old Stops Carjacking
Man shot in head ‘not popular’
Some 40% of female gas station employees in Metro Detroit are women
A-Rod goes deep, Wang hurt
Hotel cancels jihad conference, citing safety reasons
MPs seek answers on Nutt sacking
Scientists Find Sand on Sea Floor
Hippies Face Horror at Weekend B.O .
Courtney Love Banned From Using Hole
Federal judge likes sentencing freedom
How Scientists Are Helping Cook Inlet’s Little White Whales
Jimmy Carter’s hometown excited over burial plans
Cop Tasers One-Armed Legless Man—Twice!
Church Kids Raid Pantys For Food Bank Supplies
M ISSING B ABY F OUND IN S ANDWICH
Naked Jacqueline Onassis Photo Found With Warhol’s Junk
State population to double by 2040; babies to blame
17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree
MISSIPPI’S LITERACY PROGRAM SHOWS IMPROVEMENT
Missing wall allows escape from new jail
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Stool pigeons: A company called Avian Fashions makes diapers for pet birds .
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POLLY WANTS
A LAMB CHOP
The latest in true—and truly strange—news from the world of animals .
U P, UP, AND MEOW
In August 2008, a cat in the Chinese city of Chongqing started growing what were described as “bumps” on its sides. They kept growing, and in less than a month they resembled a set of furry wings, each several inches long. (The owner claimed that the cat, a male, grew wings because he was being harassed by too many female cats.) Surprisingly, reports of winged cats have been circulating for at least 150 years. American writer Henry David Thoreau wrote about one that his neighbor had: “This would have been the right kind of cat for me to keep, if I had kept any, for why should not a poet’s cat be winged as well as his horse?” Experts say that the phenomenon might be the result of genetic mutations, or it might have a simpler cause: poor grooming,
----
CRAZY WORLD RECORDS
Uncle John holds the world record for the most pages ever read on the throne (234,815 and counting). Here are some other dubious achievements .
• Christian Adam of Germany set the distance record for riding a bicycle backward while playing the violin: 37.5 miles. It took him a little more than five hours. He played J. S. Back…er, Bach.
• For 20 minutes of “every waking hour” for 16 years, Australian Les Stewart spelled out every number from one to one million on his typewriter. He went through seven typewriters and 1,000 ink ribbons. Now he not only owns a world record but a 19,890-page book consisting of every spelled-out number up to one million.
• On May 6, 2009, Eric “No Class” Matyjasik of Arizona unzipped his pants 162 times in 30 seconds, breaking the old record by 27 zips.
• Artist Maria Reidelbach built the world’s largest garden gnome in 2006. It stands 13 feet, 6 inches, and lives on a miniature golf course in Kerhonkson, New York. The gnome’s name: Gnome Chomsky, a play on the name of linguist and philosopher Noam Chomsky (who is only about half as tall as Gnome Chomsky).
• The unofficial world record for staying awake: 18 days, 17 hours, set by Maureen Weston of England while participating in a rocking-chair marathon. Although she hallucinated quite a bit, she says she hasn’t suffered any long-term health effects.
• An exotic dancer who goes by the name Maxi Mounds is the proud owner of the world’s largest augmented breasts. Each of Mounds’s mounds weighs 20 pounds; her bust measurement is about 60 inches.
• Naya Ganj of India has the world’s longest ear hair. “Making it into Guinness is special for my family! God has been very kind to me!” said the guy with 5.25 inches of hair growing from his ears.
----
World record for the most people in one place dressed up like Smurfs: 451 .
----
THE BIG DUMP CONTINUES
And other actual headlines ripped from news stories of the recent, strange past .
Main Street merchants want crack at market
9-Year-Old Stops Carjacking
Man shot in head ‘not popular’
Some 40% of female gas station employees in Metro Detroit are women
A-Rod goes deep, Wang hurt
Hotel cancels jihad conference, citing safety reasons
MPs seek answers on Nutt sacking
Scientists Find Sand on Sea Floor
Hippies Face Horror at Weekend B.O .
Courtney Love Banned From Using Hole
Federal judge likes sentencing freedom
How Scientists Are Helping Cook Inlet’s Little White Whales
Jimmy Carter’s hometown excited over burial plans
Cop Tasers One-Armed Legless Man—Twice!
Church Kids Raid Pantys For Food Bank Supplies
M ISSING B ABY F OUND IN S ANDWICH
Naked Jacqueline Onassis Photo Found With Warhol’s Junk
State population to double by 2040; babies to blame
17 Remain Dead in Morgue Shooting Spree
MISSIPPI’S LITERACY PROGRAM SHOWS IMPROVEMENT
Missing wall allows escape from new jail
----
Stool pigeons: A company called Avian Fashions makes diapers for pet birds .
----
POLLY WANTS
A LAMB CHOP
The latest in true—and truly strange—news from the world of animals .
U P, UP, AND MEOW
In August 2008, a cat in the Chinese city of Chongqing started growing what were described as “bumps” on its sides. They kept growing, and in less than a month they resembled a set of furry wings, each several inches long. (The owner claimed that the cat, a male, grew wings because he was being harassed by too many female cats.) Surprisingly, reports of winged cats have been circulating for at least 150 years. American writer Henry David Thoreau wrote about one that his neighbor had: “This would have been the right kind of cat for me to keep, if I had kept any, for why should not a poet’s cat be winged as well as his horse?” Experts say that the phenomenon might be the result of genetic mutations, or it might have a simpler cause: poor grooming,
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