â¦Â itâs time I went, Zara. Your father will be after the names in my head and we canât have that. Think what would happen to the poor man if he found out about you, for instance.â He snorts.
Gerontius is putting up a good front, but I donât believe it one bit. âWhere will you go? Theyâll be watching. You wonât be allowed out of the city.â
âIâm not without resources, child.â But his voice shakes. His eyes are watery. Gods. I can taste his fear. It fills the room like night mist. Panic floods my body, churning my stomach.
âWhat resources? Gerontius!  â¦Â
Timeâs grace!
What are we going to do?â
The old man looks at me. Then, slowly and carefully, he closes the book he has been reading and pushes himself upright. He lumbers around the desk and takes me by the shoulders. I cringe slightly at the unaccustomed intimacy of touch.
âThere isnât time for explanations.â His eyes look past me into his own thoughts. âI made my plans long ago. Thank you for telling me. Now  â¦Â â His fingers tighten on my arms. âGet the hell out of here and stay clear of me, no matter what happens. Swear it by Timeâs grace, girl!â
I stare at him. He shakes me. âSwear!â
âIâm not going anywhere until you tell me what youâre going to do. I canât just leave you!â
âYou always were a worrier.â He smiles. âNow. Remember your mother and what she died for. Remember Swift. And, if you can bear such an unsavoury old man, remember me.â
And then I know: he doesnât plan to leave this room alive.
âGerontius!
No!
I wonât let you!â
He sweeps me into a bear hug, gently kisses the top of my head and releases me. And before I can say anything â do anything to stop him â the old adept gathers his magic and shoves me out the door on a gust of wind. I fly across the corridor, slam into the opposite wall and tumble to the floor, bruised and dazed. The door crashes shut behind me and, as I stumble to my feet, I watch the wood change to stone before my eyes. And then Iâm pounding on a wall where thereâs no longer a door â or any sign that a room exists behind the thick stone. Gerontius has walled himself inside his own tomb.
And I have been Deathâs messenger.
3
I left him. Left him to die and ran away. I donât think I had any choice. As quickly as I crumbled the stone, he would have replaced it. Fighting me would have wasted the little time he had â time to die. But in the place and manner of his choosing. And with his mind still his own. Better that Gerontius should kill himself than Benedict take him. The Archmage would have done to him what he did to me all those years ago: break open his mind and read what was inside. The first precept does not apply to heretics and traitors.
Iâm the only one left now. Gerontius killed himself to save me. It doesnât make me any fonder of myself.
I sit in my room. Iâve closed the shutters to my windows. I donât want to watch the sun setting on this hateful day. The fading light filters through the slats, striping everything with thin bars of white. Pointing out, ever so ironically, that Iâm a prisoner. I feel numb. And so, so alone.
I reach down inside my tunic, pull out a slender leather tube, prise off the lid and slide out a roll of paper. Thereâs barely enough light to read by, but I know the words by heart. I just want to see the sprawling shape of the letters. To touch the the blots and scratchings-out. To hold the only thing I have left of her.
Gerontius gave them both back to me â Swift and my mother. He took them from the dark and made them live again.
I didnât know my motherâs story until the winter I turned ten. I had been living a half-life for nearly a year. Then one frozen afternoon the strange old tutor â the one