Total LockDown (LockDown #2) Read Online Free

am shaking horrendously and I am so fucking tired I think I might
pass out sprawled against the counter top. I am trying my very hardest to keep
my eyes open, just in case he returns home any time soon, but I am failing miserably.
I just want sleep, I need to. The pills have completely taken it out of me, and
for the love of God, I know I should stop taking them. I know that they are
nothing but bad for me, filthy poison in my system, but every time my blood
pressure increases the slightest, or I can feel the palpitations within my
chest, those little yellow pills are there ready for me, they settle me and
make it possible to be a mother.
    I know I wasn’t
in control anymore, they governed everything I did these days, but Leighton is
oblivious to how I am coping. How will I explain the reasons I have come to
rely so heavily on some compressed powder. What will I say ‘Hey, baby, I’m
addicted to my anxiety meds since I fucked your arch enemy’s brains out, and my
body kind of liked that I did.’ I know Leighton is an understanding,
compassionate man, but you don’t have to be a genius to see the nasty streak
within him, to know if he has even the slightest acknowledgment to what has
happened, this whole mess would escalate beyond any comparison.
    I am sitting on
the stool breathing in and out heavily, but failing to control my breathing.
How, after taking four tablets, am I still this anxious and panicked I have no
idea, but I am.
    I pick my phone
up, the one I have been staring at for the past two hours, from the counter and
twizzle it a few times in my hand. I contemplate calling Ant to find out the
progress on his search.
    I unlock the
screen and call his number knowing I need some information to settle my nerves.
    “Hi, Abigail, I
got hold of him, I know where he is and I’m on my way there now.” Oh, thank
God. I feel my stomach settle into its normal place and not my throat.
    “Thank God, Oh
God Antonio, I’ve been so worried.” I begin to cry into the phone, my emotions
are rocketed and so bloody unsettled it is ridiculous.
    “It’s okay,
Sweetheart, he’s safe. But I’m going to have him stay with me tonight okay,
I’ll explain tomorrow.”
    “Ant, what the
hell has happened? Please tell me.” I beg him; I am so confused as to why
Leighton wouldn’t want to come home to me and his daughter.
    “He’s okay,
Abbi, that’s all you need to know Darling. Just give me some time with him;
he’ll come home soon to explain everything.” God, if I had thought talking to
Ant would settle my stomach I was clearly mistaken. The thoughts now running
through my brain are more dangerous to my health than the pills.
    I seriously need
to sleep this off, to lay my head down and let this all roll over.
    “Okay, Ant,
thank you. Just keep him safe please, tell him I love him please, god so much,
and so does Melissa.”
    “I will do
Darling, sleep well and don’t worry. And know that he loves you too, everyone
can see it.” I hang the phone up, wanting to throw it against the hard cement
of the kitchen wall.
    “Fuuuuck!” I
pull at my hair as I stand from my stool. I grab the bottle of scotch from the
counter and make my way to the bedroom.
    As I walk past
the lounge, I punch a hole through the plastered wall, the surrounds caving in
around my hand. My knuckles are cut and bleeding a little, but god I feel some
crazy kind of relief doing it.
    I check on
Melissa once more before going into my room and collapsing on the bed, fully
clothed. I clutch the glass bottle and drink from it, savouring every drop as
if it were the last drops of water left on this earth.
    I fall asleep at
around one in the morning, after bottle-feeding Melissa. I wasn’t going to
continue breast-feeding anymore, I was too intoxicated with the pills and now
alcohol.
    I flick through
every imaginable thing that could cause this to have happened, for Leighton to
disappear and not want to come home. I fight the tears all night long, but as
my