This Savage Heart Read Online Free Page A

punishment enough?
    The train was much smaller than when they’d left Brunswick in the fall. There’d been fifty wagons then. God, what a sad lot they’d been, gaunt, bedraggled soldiers, spared the further agonies of war only because of their wounds. The women grieved for the past and feared the danger ahead. Many had fallen by the wayside, unable to continue the treacherous journey. Some, like Teresa’s grandparents, had succumbed to illness. Julie had wept at the graves of all of them, and the people who remained were dear to her. She counted twenty-six wagons in the snowy mist. She did not want her friends angry with her.
    “Julie needs dry clothes,” Teresa interjected as Myles continued his censure.
    “All right,” he said sighing, giving his sister a hug to let her know she was forgiven. “Just please, in the future, obey the rules—whether you like them or not. Okay?”
    Julie nodded and went with Teresa to their wagon. Inside, she gratefully accepted a dress of thick wool, then reached eagerly for the tin of hot coffee Teresa offered.
    After a few quiet moments, her sister-in-law shyly began, “I am so very sorry for what you had to endure, Julie, and I’m thankful you’re safe. Don’t be hurt by what Myles said. He’s just upset because he was so worried. But he’ll get over it, and so will everyone else.”
    “Everything he said was true. It was stupid of me.”
    “What about Derek?” Teresa asked hesitantly. Julie glanced up sharply, and Teresa said hastily, “I mean, was he very angry?”
    Julie nodded.
    “He didn’t hesitate to jump right in that icy water,” Teresa rushed to explain. “He pushed everyone else out of the way.”
    “He’s wagon master. That’s his job.”
    Teresa, gathering her nerve, stated flatly, “It was more than that, and you know it. Forgive me if I’m interfering, but Myles has told me about you and Derek. It makes me sad to see you so unhappy. Is there no way the two of you can…can…?”
    Blinking furiously, Julie gulped the coffee, then set the empty tin aside. “No. Derek is a strange man, Teresa, and I doubt he’ll ever love any woman enough to marry her. I can’t accept less.”
    “But he loves you!” Teresa cried. “The way he looks at you! And he didn’t hesitate to risk his life to save you.”
    Julie gazed at Teresa. She loved her, loved that gentle, sensitive, trusting person. Suddenly, she felt the need to confide, and she told her, “Derek wants me to be his mistress. I refuse, Teresa. As much as I love him, I won’t accept that.
    “Besides,” she added tartly, “I can survive without a man.”
    “Even in the wilderness?”
    “I won’t marry a man just to take care of me, either. I will marry only for love, and…” She fell silent, staring at Teresa in wonder. “You aren’t shocked that he asked me to be his mistress?”
    Teresa laughed and shook her head. “Not at all. From what I’ve seen of Derek Arnhardt, I believe he would want a mistress instead of a wife. Now, Myles might be shocked and angry that he would ask such a thing. But I’m a woman, Julie, and even though I love your brother with all my heart, I can appreciate the fact that Derek is quite a man. Frankly, I don’t see how you can refuse him. I imagine he’d really know how to make a woman feel like a woman.”
    There was a long pause before Julie said, “Now I’m the one who’s shocked. I’ve always taken you to be so prim and proper.”
    “You’re teasing me,” Teresa grinned. “You aren’t surprised at all.”
    “I suppose not,” Julie admitted, “but just try to understand how I feel. I won’t accept Derek’s offer, and the best thing both of us can do is forget that we ever loved.”
    “And do you think you can do that?” Teresa asked. Julie didn’t answer.
    A moment later, Esther Webber came in, carrying a fresh pot of coffee. “I’m so thankful you’re safe,” she told Julie. “We turned over yesterday, you know. We lost