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his hair, which looked fantastic and smelled like vomit. I wrote about him in one of my books so I’m consciously repeating myself here, for those keeping score.
    Who is going to tell you that your hair smells like vomit?
    This is the sort of thing that will ensure you check the “single” box on every application you ever fill out for the remainder of your life.
    So, make sure there’s nothing like this going on.
    Are your teeth weird? A lot of people have really scary teeth. If they all knew they had these teeth, they would fix them. Ask your best friend and say to them, “Tell me the friggin’ truth.” If you can afford to fix them and you want to, great. But that doesn’t really matter because fixing the weirdo teeth isn’t what makes them okay. What makes them okay is knowing you havethem. And being totally cool with it. Imperfections are attractive when their owners are happy with them.
    Are you one of those people who says on a first date, “I’m really not in any hurry to meet somebody, I figure if it happens, it happens”? Because those are the most desperate people of all. I’m just saying this so that if you are this person, you aren’t hiding from anybody.
    There is no shame in being hungry for another person. There is no shame in wanting very much to share your life with somebody.
    It’s my understanding that human beings have fairly regularly sought the company of other human beings, pretty much throughout history.
    This is, in fact, merely being truthful about what it is we are, biologically: social.
    Personal ads and dating websites work. Anything that hurls your ass into the orbit of other living people can work. But there’s still a mistrust of the Internet.
    A while back, I watched a documentary about suicides and the Golden Gate bridge. During an interview with the best friend of a man who leapt to his death, the friend spoke about how he’d had a conversation with this suicidal guy and the suicidal guy was excited about meeting some woman online.
    The friend told him, dude, what are you doing? You’re not going to find true love on the Internet. You’ve got to get out in the world, face-to-face.
    I did something I almost never do: I talked back to the TV. I said, “You killed your best friend.”
    Of course you can find love on the Internet. Exactly as you can find love at the Department of Motor Vehicles, the dry cleaner’s, a bar.
    Saying, “There are a lot of psychos online. That Craigslist Killer? Yeah, forget the Internet,” is just as loopy. Ted Bundy killed college girls. Should you drop out of college just to be on the safe side?
    All of these are things you can do that are a little more proactive than just waiting. Somebody said to me once, “I’m doing the online thing. Most of the people you meet are just totally not right.”
    The truth is, most people you meet are totally wrong for you, whether you meet them online or at an after party for the Oscars. Which is why meeting truckloads of people is almost a requirement. It doesn’t matter how many “wrong” people you meet; what matters is doing everything possible to meet that one person. Don’t try a new venue—like online dating—thinking you’ll meet “better” people; try a new venue because you’ll meet more people. It’s like with diamonds. It can take more than two hundred tons of ore to yield one high-quality diamond. Nobody is obsessing over all this ore; they’re focused on that diamond.
    Being single isn’t a real problem.
    It becomes a real problem only when you believe the powers and forces of the universe have conspired against you.
    When this happens, you’ve begun supernatural thinking.
    You need to scrape your face against reality. You need to realize that being single when you don’t want to be single anymore says nothing about your lovability, attractiveness, or quality as a person. It says volumes, though, about the limits you’ve established with respect to looking for and meeting new