The World's Awesomest Air-Barf Read Online Free Page B

Matthew was counting the caterpillars in each one, so that I could write to you with my score. I also stayed in the tree whistling for ten hours and twenty-three minutes. When
I’d finished, I had cramp in my whole body. I couldn’t move for fifty-three hours and sixteen minutes. Surely one of these must be a record?

    Best wishes
    Danny
     

    Dear Danny
    Fantastic! You saved Marisco from disaster, and claimed not just one, but two El Periquito world records. You beat the previous
caterpillar–collecting record by more than thirteen thousand, and whistled in the tree for nearly ten hours longer than anyone had ever done before. I’m sure your records will remain
for a very long time, possibly for ever. Congratulations!
    Unfortunately, however, the long attack of cramp you suffered is not a record.
    In 1966, Harriet Snood of Tolpuddle attempted to break the world record for dancing ‘The Twist’. After sixty–nine hours
and seventeen minutes,her whole body locked like stone. Doctors have been unable to thaw out Harriet’s frozen muscles even to this day. She is still stuck in twisting position! With every
minute that passes, she adds to her record, which as I write is 15,696 days, 3 hours and 6 minutes. Harriet now has a successful career as a ‘Living Sculpture’.
    Finally, Danny, you didn’t tell me about the kiss!

    Your mum sent me the video she made of you and Sally Butterworth kissing in the tree. I’m delighted to tell you that you and Sally
have set a new world record, and I have included two extra certificates, one for you and one for Sally. Would you please pass it on to her?
    Congratulations on breaking three world records at once, Danny!
    Best wishes
    Eric Bibby
    Keeper of the Records

     
    Danny and his dad kicked a ball around the beach. The sun shimmered orange, like a huge satsuma, above the calm blue sea. Danny dribbled the ball towards his dad, and nutmegged
him. Dad toppled on to the sand with a groan. Danny came over and sat down next to him.
    ‘Have you and Matthew made friends again?’ asked Dad.
    ‘Yeah, ’course we have,’ replied Danny.
    ‘Good. What about Sally Butterworth?’
    ‘She’s going home today.’
    Dad nudged Danny with his elbow and winked.
    ‘Was she a good girlfriend?’ he asked.
    Danny blushed prawn-pink, and looked away.
    ‘She was a good footballer ,’ he answered.
    Dad laughed and ruffled Danny’s hair. He nodded at the view. ‘Fantastic, isn’t it?’
    ‘Yeah.’
    ‘Do you like it here in Marisco?’
    ‘Yeah, it’s Ace.’
    ‘Would you like to live here for good?’
    Danny pushed his feet into the sand and hugged his knees. ‘Could Matt come and live here too?’
    ‘No, of course not. His mum and dad couldn’t just pack up and move out here because we have.’
    Dad put his arm around Danny’s shoulders.
    ‘Honestly, where would you rather live, here or in England?’
    Danny took a deep breath. ‘In England!’ he blurted out. ‘I’m sorry, Dad. I’d be OK living here, honest, but I’d have to spend every day wearing factor 5
million suncream, and I’d miss the rain at home, and I’d miss my school football team, and . . . I’d miss Matt. He’s my best mate.’
    Dad frowned and looked thoughtful. ‘Yeah, I thought you’d say that.’ A grin spread slowly across his face. ‘Good thing I turned down the Manager’s job here at Real
Marisco then.’
    ‘What?’
    ‘Walchester United want me to be their goalkeeping coach. It’s my Dream Job, Danny. I start as soon as we get back.’

    Danny jumped up. ‘Are you serious?’
    ‘Totally.’
    Danny punched the air, put his head back and yelled, ‘IN . . . THE . . . NET!’
    When they got back to the hotel, Sally Butterworth was waiting in reception for the bus to go back to the airport. Matthew was there too, to make sure she didn’t miss it.
    ‘Bye, Danny,’ said Sally as the bus pulled up.
    ‘Er . . . bye, Sally.’ Danny stood well back, in case she had any goodbye kissing