The World of Karl Pilkington Read Online Free Page B

I don’t think people realise is, right, it is hard eating a little kangaroo knob.
    Steve: Really, how do you know?
    Karl: No, it’s just, you think about it and you go, ‘Oh I couldn’t do that,’ but what they never mention on the TV programme – which I think takes it to the next level, right – is that they’re eating that stuff at, like, half past seven in the morning – which is worse, innit? If I was there and Ant and Dec said, ‘Right Karl, eat the knob’ I’d go, ‘Hang on a minute. Give us a few hours. Let me get some rice and that in me belly and just sort of fill myself up a little bit more. I’ll pop back at about half six this evening – have it ready.’ And I’d be happier then.
    Steve: You don’t want to eat animals’ private parts on an empty stomach?
    Ricky: So what are you saying?
    Karl: I’m saying I could eat a knob at night.
    Ricky: Just cut that there. We’ll loop that. If any DJs are listening, just take that quote ‘I could eat a knob at night’ by Karl Pilkington and maybe do a dance remix.
    Steve: Yes, maybe you are a house music producer and you could maybe get some high energy beat going and then we could send that out to some of the gay clubs. I’m sure it would be really popular.

     
    Karl: No, but d’you know what I mean though?
    Ricky: I could not do it. I couldn’t pop a kangaroo testicle in my mouth and chew it. It was disgusting to watch. Good on them because they were doing it but then again I think, ‘Well, they wanted to go in there.’ On the one hand I think, ‘Is that admirable? Is that showing good British mettle or is it “I’ll do anything to get on telly for a week?”’ Where does it stop? I thought Rebecca Loos went too far when she gave the little pig a tug, but at least she knew where to stop.
    Steve: I think it’s obvious when you have to stop – the pig tells you that.

    Ricky: Where is there a kangaroo hopping around without a cock?
    Karl: Here’s another question right – a bit of a spin off with animals and that. Have you ever, Steve, killed a fly?
    Steve: Probably, yes.
    Karl: Right. Well I was watching David Attenborough, right. He makes his money out of flies and that, don’t he. D’you think he’s ever killed one, or does he go, ‘Well I can’t kill that fly or that spider ’cos that’s how I make my money’?
    Ricky: I don’t know what the question is.
    Karl: Right, me mam, right, she said, if a fly is knocking about the house, she never kills it. She always catches it and puts it out and that. She said she’d never kill one.
    Ricky: Who is she, Mr Miyagi? What do you mean, ‘she catches it’? How does she catch it?
    Steve: With a pair of chopsticks.

‘Let me just tell you the
ending ...’
     
    Karl: D’you know the other week when I came up with a different idea of how we can make the world run and that.
    Steve: Can we just have a quick recap of that because I seem to remember it was a load of old arse.
    Ricky: It was ridiculous. It was saying that the world is over-populated so we should have a system whereby people live until they are seventy-eight – I don’t know how you can enforce that – but when they die they’ve got a little baby in their stomach, like a pip in an apple, and the baby carries on when they die. It wasn’t a theory, it was the ramblings of a mental case.
    Karl: Anyway listen, right, I’ve been thinking about it, right, and if we can’t do that, right, if it’s a ‘no’ to that idea …
    Ricky: It is a ‘no’.
    Karl: … Here’s another idea…

    Ricky: Ooh, you could win the Nobel prize for this one …
    Karl: There is a lot of ways in’t there, in the world, that some creatures and that go about sort of moving on, if you know what I mean …
    Ricky: Not really. Do you mean evolution?
    Karl: Yes, on that David Attenborough programme he’s always showing, yeah, little insects and what they have got to do. And there was one about a wasp, right, that had to fly about, right, for