The World of Karl Pilkington Read Online Free

because the zoo keeper has got a home to go to and Ollie’s still stuck in his – well, where he is basically working every day. He’s never going home, right. So anyway the zookeeper goes home, says to his wife, ‘Look Ollie’s having a bit of a time at the moment.’ She says, ‘Oh yeah, what’s going on?’ He said, ‘Well he’s looking a bit fed up. You know, he’s sick of it.’ She said, ‘Bring him home.’ He said, ‘Well I did want to ask, but I didn’t want to force it …’
    Ricky: This conversation didn’t happen.

    Karl: So anyway …
    Steve: Such detail!
    Ricky: No it didn’t happen. This is in your head.
    Karl: So anyway, she said, ‘Yeah, bring it home tonight.’ So anyway, the zookeeper is looking forward to going into work and that. He sees Ollie. He doesn’t tell him straightaway.
    Ricky: Like it’s a surprise. Oh God!
    Karl: So they go through the day, you know usual stuff, feeding the elephants and all that. It gets to the end of the day and Ollie’s there. He’s looking at the zookeeper as if to say, ‘Well there you go, another busy day over, see you tomorrow and stuff …’
    Steve: Sure. Little does he know …
    Karl: Anyway the zookeeper is like, ‘Get your coat …’
    Ricky: Coat? What do you mean, ‘Get your coat?’
    Karl: Whatever the equivalent is, whatever you say to a monkey. It was kind of like, ‘You’re coming with me.’ So Ollie’s going ‘Oh brilliant.’
    Ricky: No he’s not.
    Steve: So Ollie gets his hat and coat …

    Karl: He can’t believe his luck right. He goes back to the zookeeper’s house. Everything’s going well for about a week and a half, right.
    Steve: Has he got his own room?
    Karl: He still goes to work and stuff …
    Steve: To the zoo, yeah.
    Karl: To the zoo.
    Ricky: He doesn’t work there!
    Karl: And then he comes back with the zookeeper at night. Anyway, what ended up happening is … he’s back at the house and it’s going well for about a week and a half, he’s sat there, you know he’s having a brandy at night before he goes to bed. The zookeeper noticed that when he took it back to work it was kind of getting flashbacks of not having a good time in the zoo, right. So, it was like, ‘this isn’t helping him out. He’s happy when he’s at home with the brandy and the fags and that, but when he comes back here, he’s starting to look a bit fed up.’ So he said to his wife, ‘Look, you’re at home all day right. I’m going to work. I’ll leave him with you.’ So Ollie stays at home. Anyway as time goes on there’s a little bit of trouble. Whilst the fella’s busy at work, grafting, paying the bills for Ollie at home, Ollie starts getting a little bit cheeky – tries it on with the missus.
    Steve: Whoa! How does a monkey ‘try it on with the missus’?

    Karl: This is classic Monkey News.
    Steve: How does he try it on?
    Ricky: He’s a bit drunk. He stinks of smoke. He tries it on with the missus. How does he try it on with her?
    Karl: I don’t know all the details.
    Ricky: You don’t know any of the details.
    Karl: I don’t know the detail on that bit but …
    Ricky: You don’t know any of the details.
    Steve: So what happens? While the zookeeper’s away the monkey did play. What happened? Did the zookeeper’s wife reciprocate these affections?
    Karl: She probably went along with it at first. You know, she’s cooking at home, getting the tea ready, it’s walking past pinching her arse or whatever. And you know, it starts off just like it does with humans. It starts off as a bit of fun, before you know it … Anyway, the zookeeper and his wife split up in the end. I think the monkey stayed with the woman.
    Ricky: Honestly, your imagination.
    Karl: Just put in ‘monkey/chimp/Ollie’ into the Internet and it’s all there …

     

 

     

 

‘She was sort of mental homeless’
     
    Karl: I give to charity but I feel like I’m being cheated a bit.
    Ricky: You were conned by a charity weren’t