The World According to Humphrey Read Online Free

at work. Of course there’s the weekend, but I usually see my family, you know. My brother and his family, my nieces and nephews—I got a big family.”
    Suddenly Aldo bopped the side of his head with the palm of his hand. “Whoa, Humphrey. I never told you. My nephew . . . he’s in your class. Richie Rinaldi. He sits over there.”
    He pointed to the far side of the room. “He always has the neatest desk in the class. He’d better or he’ll hear from his uncle. Do you know him?”
    “Of course,” I squeaked. Repeat-That-Please-Richie. One of the nicest boys in the class. But he mumbled a lot and usually had to repeat something two or three times to be understood.
    Aldo crunched his bag and tossed it into his trash can. “Well, I’m out of here. You know, they got a frog in Room 16, but he’s not good company like you are. He sings nice, though.”
    Sing! I’ll sing for you, Aldo, I thought. “SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAK!”
    “Don’t worry. I don’t like him nearly as much as you, my friend,” Aldo said. He opened the blinds to let the light in.
    Just as he was going out the door, Aldo said, “See you next week, Humphrey!”
    Next week! A cold chill came over me. Tomorrow was Friday. When Ms. Mac was in Room 26, she took me home for the weekend. But if Mrs. Brisbane didn’t take me home, I’d have two very long days and nights with no one—not even Aldo—to feed me or chat with me.
    Even worse, what if Mrs. Brisbane did take me to her house? What fate would await me there?
    I had plenty to keep me busy the rest of the night: worrying about Mrs. Brisbane and how she planned to do away with me. Ms. Mac . . . please come back!
    TIP THREE: Hamsters enjoy a change in routine. Among their favorite activities are eating, grooming themselves, climbing, running, spinning, taking a nap and being petted.
     
    Guide to the Care and Feeding of Hamsters, Dr. Harvey H. Hammer

4
    The Most Important Man in the World
    L uckily, Friday went by smoothly. Sorry to say, Sayeh didn’t raise her hand. But Heidi Hopper did—amazing! A.J. actually whispered. Richie cleaned my cage. I tried to imagine him with a big black mustache like his uncle Aldo.
    Later, when Mrs. Brisbane asked him to name the capital of Kentucky, Richie said, “Hot dog.”
    Everyone giggled, of course. Especially Stop-Giggling-Gail. Otherwise known as Gail Morgenstern.
    “Repeat-That-Please-Richie,” said the teacher.
    Richie realized he’d made a mistake, so he tried again. “Frankfurter,” he said.
    More giggles. Explosive giggles.
    “Try again, Richie,” said Mrs. Brisbane, who was on the verge of smiling herself.
    “Uh . . . Frankfort!” he said proudly.
    (That was the correct answer, by the way.)
    So, you see, it wasn’t exactly a bad day in Room 26. It’s just that I was jittery, wondering what would happen to me when the bell rang. Would I be left alone . . . hungry, utterly forsaken for two whole days? Or would I be a captive in the haunted house of Mrs. Brisbane?
    At last, the bell rang and the students flew out of the door like a flock of homing pigeons in a movie Ms. Mac showed us.
    Just then, the room mothers stopped by. One was Heidi Hopper’s mom and the other one was Art Patel’s. (That’s Pay-Attention-Art.) They came to talk to Mrs. Brisbane about Halloween, which was less than two weeks away.
    I didn’t know what Halloween was, but it sure sounded scary, especially when they talked about bringing bats and witches and even worse—cats—right into the classroom! SHIVER-QUIVER-SHAKE. What could they be thinking?
    I was about ready to fling open the door of my cage and escape when the door opened and in walked the principal, Mr. Morales.
    Mr. Morales is the Most Important Person at Longfellow School. He runs the place and everyone respects him. You can tell. For one thing, Mr. Morales always wears a tie. No one else in the whole school wears a tie except Mr. Morales. For another thing, when Mr. Morales comes into the room,