The Wedding Countdown Read Online Free

cousins? Hoor is married and has provided the precious son and heir; Sara is engaged; and I know for a fact that Emira has found somebody. I’m the odd one out – just as I’ve always been.
    I take a deep breath. ‘It’s just sometimes I wish things were different. I wish I could find the perfect man who loves me for me . Not for my family name or because his father has given his unbreakable word. A man who understands my deepest thoughts and who sees into the secrets of my heart, who lights my world with his laugh and who reads everything under the sun, moon and stars. A man who turns my insides to ice cream every time I look at him.’
    My cousins are staring at me.
    Typically Sara breaks the spell. ‘Ice cream?’ she shrieks. ‘You are such a hopeless romantic. Who gives a toss about ice cream as long as he’s got an enormous willy?’
    And then we’re screeching with laughter until the tears run down our cheeks and our sides ache. Such is the din of our mirth that Auntie Bee and my mother zoom over to shush us.
    ‘Something must be funny,’ says my mother, raising one perfect eyebrow. This is a new mannerism thanks to my sister Fizz, who is training to be a beautician. We are all victims for tinting, tweezing and waxing – and we have the scars to prove it. (Fizz swears that she didn’t mean to heat the wax to quite that temperature but I’m not convinced.)
    ‘Mills was telling us what she looks for in a fantasy – I mean, a man,’ sniggers Sara, wiping tears from her eyes.
    Honestly, I could have ripped her tongue out there and then. What a subject to bring up in front of those two. Instantly Mummy- ji ’s brow crinkles – Fizz has yet to master the mysteries of Botox – and Auntie Bee’s eyes shine with all the zeal of a religious fanatic.
    ‘Still looking?’ she tuts. ‘ Chi chi , Hamida. Whatever are you and Ahmed thinking? Unmarried at her age? Isn’t it time she got a move on? Time is running out.’
    ‘Amelia has only just graduated, Bilqees bhabhi ,’ my mum says through clenched teeth. ‘She’s got a really good degree.’
    Auntie Bee sighs. ‘Tick tick! Tick tock!’
    I think that’s supposed to be my biological clock.
    ‘Uni schuni,’ she scolds, waggling her finger at me. ‘Where’s that going to get you, my girl?’
    I open my lips to reply but wow! Auntie Bee’s voice is coming right out of my mouth.
    ‘I’ll tell you where it will get her, Hamida! Off and away to London like these gori girls, living in sin and wearing shameful clothes! That’s where! What man looks for a girl with a degree? A man wants a wife who can cook, like my Sanaubar beti . Amelia might have a degree but can she cook, eh?’
    ‘Of course she can.’ Mummy- ji puts her arm round my shoulders and gives me a squeeze. I’m taken aback because this is a total and utter lie. ‘Amelia is a wonderful cook.’
    ‘Really?’ Auntie Bee peers at me suspiciously through her thick glasses. ‘What a clever girl.’
    I am clever actually. I can read Chaucer in the original. But how does that compare to making sag aloo?
    ‘So who is the lucky boy?’ Auntie Bee is like a dog with a bone. ‘Has one been chosen yet? If not, my Kabir is a fine young man. He’s going to be a wonderful doctor.’
    I snort with mirth and then have to pretend I’m coughing. I’m more likely to fly to the moon than Kabir is to become a doctor. The closest he’ll ever get is watching Holby City . This has to be his third career change since he re-took his A-levels. If he wasn’t so obnoxious I’d almost feel sorry for him.
    Mum pinches me hard. ‘That’s very considerate,’ she says. ‘But we have the matter in hand. Ahmed is already putting things in place.’
    What? He is?
    Auntie Bee shrugs her fat shoulders. ‘He’d better hurry up then. Amelia’s not getting any younger. Any man wanting sons and heirs will be looking for a youthful and childbearing bride. My Sanaubar was only seventeen when she got