The Secret Letters Read Online Free

always used to remind me, like she wasn’t, and it was Mammaw’s fault, but I still loved her, though she’d been gone a long time. Mammaw used to stick up for me when no one else did, and when my mother yelled at me, she’d wrap her arms around me and say, “Cynthia, you leave my angel-child alone.” Iwondered what Pam was planning to do with the bedspread. I thought maybe I’d take it, but it was for a king-size bed and I only had a queen. There was probably a bunch of other stuff I might want, but there was no room in my apartment. I figured someone should take a few boxes of crap down to one of the antique shops in town where they called an old Happy Meal toy a “collectible,” but I didn’t have the stomach for it.
    Pam handed me a yellowed envelope with “Cynthia Barlow” and a P.O. address in neat handwriting on the front. I fished out a small piece of paper.
    â€œâ€˜Baby,’” it said, “‘I miss you so much my heart hurts. I’m sick from wanting you, and I’m counting the days—’ What the fuck?” I looked at Pam. She gave me a weird, smirky smile. “‘Counting the days till I see your beautiful feet again.’”
    â€œFace,” Pam said, adding, “idiot.”
    â€œâ€˜I can still feel your soft body against mine. I’ll never forget that night at the Forest when we were so close, and I could smell your skin against my skin. We were so warm together.’ Woo-hoo.” I waved the letter in the air like I was cooling it.
    â€œInteresting, right?”
    â€œâ€˜When it rains, I feel your arms around me and smell the rainy scent of your hair.’ Kind of personal, isn’t it?”
    â€œOh, it’s personal. Keep going.”
    â€œNo, really, that’s enough, I get it. Okay, so you found this letter.”
    â€œLetters.” She opened a metal box and pointed like she was that chick on Wheel of Fortune . It was full of faded envelopes, all shapes and sizes. “Plural.”
    â€œMom had a collection of porno letters?”
    â€œLove letters.” She smacked me on the arm. “There’s a difference between porno and love.”
    â€œAnd you would know this because—”
    â€œFunny.”
    â€œSo our parents had a little passion in their relationship.”
    She smiled a mysterious smile. “Did they?”
    â€œI admit I’m surprised.”
    â€œNotice anything weird about the letter?”
    â€œWeird?”
    â€œLook at the signature.”
    I looked. No name, just the letter J. “Who the hell is J.?” The Asshole’s name was Bill.
    Her smile turned into an evil glint. “I have no idea.”
    I looked at the envelope. No return address. “Maybe some of the other letters have a name on them.”
    â€œNope. Nothing.”
    â€œWhat about the postmark?” I tried to make it out, but it was too smudged.
    â€œThey’re from a lot of different towns. I checked them all. They seem to be from all over the country, but mostly Arizona.”
    â€œAre they all like this?”
    â€œTorrid? Pretty much.”
    â€œJeez.” I tried to take it all in. I was suddenly really tired, and it was hard to think straight. “So some guy was writing our mother love letters?”
    â€œApparently.”
    â€œMaybe they’re from Frank.”
    â€œYeah, Julie, maybe he signed them with a J. because his name was really Jank. Anyway, they’re from way before she met him.” Mom and Frank had started dating when I was nine and got married the following year. Ricky was born not long after that. “Look at the date.” She handed me an envelope. The postmark was smudged, and it was hard to see the name of the town, but I could see the word “Arizona,” and I could justabout make out a date inside the little circle of the postmark. “Does this say 1975?”
    She peered over my shoulder.