The Reluctant Elf (Kindle Single) Read Online Free Page B

clicking open the one from my boss. Sorry to hear about your aunt , it reads, and of course I understand that you need to go. Just keep me updated and let me know when you think you’ll be back. I hope your aunt is okay.
    I delete the usual proposals from dying African princes to make me their sole heir and click on Bronwyn’s email.
    It’s only a few lines long, but at least it’s something.
    Dear Lottie, We’re at the airport and Bronwyn is typing this on her phone. I’m terribly sorry about your aunt and I do hope she’ll be well again soon. Our prayers are with her.
    Here’s what you need to know about the house:
-           Mingus’s food is under the sink. He prefers the fish to the chicken but he’ll eat whatever you put out when he gets hungry
-           Always wait five minutes after flushing the loo to turn on the taps
-           There’s coal in the cellar for the woodburners
-           I believe the reviewer is called Rupert Grey-Smythe
-           We have mice
-           Watch out for the 8.30 train
-           Don’t forget about the chickens
    Good luck!
     
    We’ve got chickens? I suppose that means Danny has a fresh supply of eggs to cook. The morning is looking up.
    I leave him in the kitchen to acquaint himself with the appliances while I check on Mabel.
    ‘Mummy?’ she calls as soon as I open the door.
    ‘Yes, sweetie. Did you sleep well?’
    ‘I’m still sleepy,’ she says. ‘But I’m too excited to stay in bed.’
    ‘Maybe a shower will wake you up. I’ll go in first just to make sure it’s working, okay?’ I tuck the thick duvet around her. ‘Have another little rest and I’ll let you know when it’s ready.’
    There are three bathrooms upstairs to accommodate the seven guest bedrooms but, as Danny pointed out, not all of those rooms are habitable. Actually, depending on your definition of habitable, it’s questionable whether any of them are. They all have mould creeping up the walls. A fungal pelt covers the floor in two of them and part of the ceiling is caved in in another. That leaves four guest rooms. I just hope the reviewer won’t ask to see the others.
    Aunt Kate has clearly done a few renovations in the bathrooms though. They’re wet rooms in fact, fully tiled across their floors and halfway up the walls, with a round drain in the middle of the slightly sloping floor. But they still have all their pre-war features, which makes them so old that they’ve come all the way around to retro.
    There’s a cistern above the toilet and a claw-footed tub. The only concession to the latter half of the twentieth century is the hand-held shower nozzle mounted on the wall.
    I run the hot-water tap, waiting for it to heat. So far, so good. Gratefully I peel off my pyjamas and set my shampoo in the little tray at the far end of the tub. The round rail suspended above me is bare, so I have to be extra careful not to splash. In fact I’ll see if Danny can find a plain curtain. Even though the door is locked I feel exposed without it.
    The shampoo lathers my hair into stiff peaks. The water must be softer here than in London. Maybe it’s well water. Lovely, clean Welsh well water. That could be a selling point to the guests, I suppose-
    Suddenly the wall behind the bath moans with the anguish of the undead. Then something starts knocking on the wall, slowly at first, getting faster and faster and faster until….
    ‘Jesus!’
    The water scalds me before I can jump away. Shampoo bubbles slide into my eyes as I feel for the edge of the tub.
    Ow ow ow ow.
    Then there’s a crash. Squinting through the bubbles, I see the showerhead writhing on the floor beside the tub, soaking everything.
    With my eyes streaming from the soap, I screw the tap handles closed.
    ‘Holy shit.’
    ‘Mummy?’ Mabel calls through the bathroom door. ‘Can I have my shower now? I’ve used the loo already.’
    Yes, I gathered that from the