The Outsider(S) Read Online Free

completely decimated the little self confidence that I still had.
    And now this. The one thing that was supposed to elevate me above Irmtraut has turned out to be nothing more than a disaster. I had long ago accepted that I was never going to be as successful as her professionally. But at least I had a family that I was firmly in control of. I was supposed to be a mother who knew how to treat her family. One who lived in a big happy family, unlike Irmtraut. One who never cursed around her kids. One who was good at setting examples. I wipe the tears that are flowing generously and close the door.

Irmtraut
    Germany, 2009
    I walked into my bedroom. The deep red color on one side of the wall and the white color in the rest of the room gave it a warm look. I drew the curtains from the French windows, and the room was suddenly flooded with light from the streetlights below. I dropped onto the bed, exhausted from the day’s happenings.
    I watched the dressing table thoughtfully. Standing forlornly on it was my childhood doll, Jackline which my sister Ramona for whatever dumb reason had always called “Schackeline.” I grabbed it and caressed it lovingly. It was old, and one eye was falling off. But I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it. It was a reminder of an uncomplicated past and an unfulfilled dream.
    My life was governed by terror and a persistent fear that it could all end any minute. Being one step ahead had as literal a meaning in my life as it got. Only the very ferocious survived.
    The meeting earlier in the day with the Chinese investors kept replaying in my head. Nadia, my fierce rival and the only other female vice president, had talked for fifteen minutes. In Chinese. It had been a sticky situation. And whatever offer I made had been countered by the two Chinese men. After Nadia’s performance, there were only smiles and handshaking. But what I remembered more than anything was the feeling of being useless and the fear of being replaced.
    At thirty-nine, I didn’t have much time left. In fact, I had everything to lose. No family, no kids, and no husband were enough calamities for one person.
    My thoughts were interrupted by the beep from my BlackBerry. I quickly retrieved it from my Gucci bag, scrolled through the messages, and realized to my horror that everyone in the shark kingdom was working. It was nine p.m. and none of them had thought to log out of the system. I quickly turned my laptop on and began working.
    Sometime that night, I realized I wasn’t able to shake off the anxiety. I picked up my phone and dialed a number. It was picked up on the first ring.
    “I’ll be with you in a minute,” the voice said, and hung up.
    Less than fifteen minutes after the call, Philippe was standing at my door. He was wearing a black sweater and a black shawl around his neck. His gray eyes glimmered in the light. At forty-four, Philippe had achieved what most people could only dream of. He had a loving wife and two lovely kids whose pictures dotted every space in his office. And he was the CEO. He closed the door behind him and pushed me in the direction of the bedroom. “You bring out the worst in me!” he said huskily. I giggled up at him as he threw me on to the bed. We kissed, and I could feel his hands undoing my bra.
    “We have to talk,” I said firmly, getting up from the bed.
    He smiled. “You are naughty,” he said and attempted to grab my arm. But I took a step back.
    “Whatever you want,” he said finally when he realized that I wasn’t budging.
    “I want to become a senior vice president,” I said boldly. He watched me pensively but didn’t say a thing. My heart raced, and for a moment I wondered if I had pushed my luck too far.
    “Nadia has been here longer than you,” he said slowly touching his chin thoughtfully. What he didn’t mention was the fact that Nadia had been his sleeping partner before I came along. Philippe belonged to the brand of men who recognized a fundamental truth