The Neighbors Are Watching Read Online Free

The Neighbors Are Watching
Book: The Neighbors Are Watching Read Online Free
Author: Debra Ginsberg
Pages:
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having a baby and Allison had absolutely no idea what role she was meant to play in this sordid little drama. Did Joe really expect her to be a grandma now? The very concept made her entire body stiff with anger. And beneath that anger was a kind of hurt she’d never felt before.
    But no, that wasn’t true. Of course it wasn’t. She
had
felt this way before and then … then it had felt so bad Allison couldn’t imagine how it was even happening, how she was able to stand it.
    Almost over. Another minute. One more minute
.
    How many minutes in forever? Because that’s how long it took.
    No, don’t. Don’t squeeze my hand like that
.
    There was nothing to hold on to, outside or in, while she was carved and torn.
    Just about done now. That’s it
.
    The doctor was wearing a belly pack and the nurse kept her hands far from reach. The noise—that horrible mechanical groan—raging in her ears. Allison wanted to scream, but she had no breath.
    Okay. All done now
.
    It was a mistake, a terrible mistake that couldn’t be undone. Joe had been kind and sweet and sorry and they’d talked about it then, talked about how it was the best thing—the
right
thing to do—and that of course it was Allison’s choice ultimately. Her choice, of course. But it wasn’t, not really. And then, the second it was over, regret, immediate and piercing, opened a wound inside Allison that she didn’t know if she could ever close. The only thing she’d felt sure of then was that it would be impossible to experience that kind of pain again. But she’d been wrong about that too. She’d started to tell him this earlier today, but just bringing it up stung like fresh salt in that unclosed wound. Besides, he didn’t understand. She didn’t know if he ever would.
    Joe’s breath was coming slow and deep now. His shoulder muscles twitched. He was falling asleep finally. Allison felt her anger spike. He had no right to enjoy the release of unconsciousness while she lay next to him awake and destroyed. She was going to get up, she decided, slide out of bed, go downstairs to the kitchen, and pour herself a big glass of the vodka that had been residing in their freezer for the past three years. She was going to drink it all and too bad if she threw up or had a hangover. She wanted to be drunk into the next day and beyond. As far as she could see, there was no other way to handle this nightmare. At least school was out for the summer. There would have been no way she could have gone to work at this point—drunk
or
sober.
    Allison slid one leg to the edge of the bed as if testing the temperature of a bath. She shifted by inches, preparing to roll off and escape, but before she could lift the sheet she felt the warm pressure of Joe’s hand on her arm. They both lay suspended for a few seconds—Allison rigid with the bottleneck of her competing emotions and Joe waiting to see what she’d do—andthen he leaned in close enough for her to feel the naked skin of his chest against her back.
    “Allie?” he said, his voice amplified by the silence of their bedroom. There was so much in it, Allison thought: apology, pleading, an edge of impatience, and warning. She knew this husband of hers so well that she could hear all of these nuances in the way he’d said her name. How then had she missed something so important? He moved his hand to her shoulder and gently rolled her onto her back. Allison didn’t resist. He stroked her face and touched his lips to her neck. Allison’s legs started shaking as he parted them with his hand, smoothing the skin of her thighs. She didn’t help him as he pushed her underwear down below her knees and said nothing as he climbed on top of her. But as he shifted her hips to meet his in exactly the right place, Allison started to cry.
    This is the last time
. The thought was loud inside her head.
    Allison didn’t have to wait too long before Joe’s heavy breathing turned into satisfied snoring. Her eyes, still sprung
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