The Mill House Read Online Free

she turned to look out of the window.
    He allowed a few moments to pass, clearly hoping she might respond, but in the end he let the subject go and said, 'We won't stay long.'
    She was still feeling too guilty to reply.
    'She'll love the car,' he declared in an upbeat tone, 'and you know what a kick it gives her to see how well things are going for us.'
    'For you,' Julia corrected, keeping her eyes on the passing countryside, and trying not to feel annoyed by how much his mother's approval had always meant to him. Then a wave of unease swept through her as her irritation reminded her of how distanced they were becoming. It wasn't what she wanted, nor did she really know why it was happening, but though they were both trying to fight it, there was no denying the cracks that were, even now, threatening the very foundations of their marriage. She was to blame, she accepted that, because she was the one who'd turned from
    a loving, passionate and highly sexual woman, to an anxious, almost paranoid and even frigid wife. She just wished she knew what had happened to shut her down like this, for their sex life had always been one of the very best parts of their marriage, madly erotic and so varied and frequent that even they were occasionally dazed by just how good it was. But it had been months and months now since they'd made love with anything like their usual passion, and lately they'd shared no real physical intimacy at all, because she simply couldn't handle the fear that seemed to engulf her when they did. She'd experienced it once before in her life, just after Dan was born, but thanks to Josh's patience and some intensive therapy, it hadn't lasted long. This time it had though, and not even her recent sessions with a therapist or Josh's attempts to understand seemed to be helping her. If anything, the fear was getting worse, and since she'd abandoned the therapy a few weeks ago, and Josh had given up trying to persuade her to make love, she'd become even more afraid of where it might all end.
    Emma Thayne, Josh's adoring mother, was as gushingly admiring of the Boxster as Julia dreaded and Josh expected. 'Darling, it's simply the best car I've ever seen,' she exclaimed, bony hands clasped to her meagre bosom as she circled the Porsche, treating it to an inexpert eye and a mother's crowing delight. Julia didn't miss the sneaky little glances she was throwing about the street, in the hope the neighbours were looking. She guessed that any minute they'd take off on a
    lap of honour, making sure the entire newly built estate that clung to the edge of a quaint old village, like a wart on the face of a beautiful woman, would be unable to miss the sight of the returning hero and his latest trophy. 'Dad would be so proud if he could see you now,' Emma informed her pride and joy. 'His father would be so proud,' she informed Julia, her dismay and despair.
    'We all are,' Julia assured her.
    Emma Thayne's protective ear didn't miss the dryness in Julia's tone, and since it implied criticism of her precious and only offspring, she was instantly bristling. Not a pretty sight, but Josh's looks had come from his father, not his mother. 'I'm glad you are, my dear,' she responded tartly. 'A man needs to know he's appreciated, particularly when he works so hard for his family.'
    Julia started to respond, then decided not to bother. Occasionally she enjoyed sparring with Emma, but today she didn't have it in her, probably because the late-dawning suspicion that Josh was holding back a vital piece of news had suddenly come over the horizon. It could be what the Porsche was all about, to mask the white elephant that had moved in with them a few weeks ago and they'd resolutely refused to discuss since. If she was right, it probably meant it was something she wouldn't want to hear, and this was his way of softening the blow.
    Emma was burbling on about her grandchildren now, and the pleasure she derived from their texts and emails - a modern