The Mandates Read Online Free Page B

him yours or not. But if the chances that you will do something awkward are greater if you get the card, then hand yours over. For example, what if he asks you for your card first? It will be strange for you to say, “Sorry, Charlie, no cards on me,” have him give you his, and then mysteriously “find” one of yours in your left pocket.
    Playing “cards” like this is a “who plays their hand first” Wild, Wild West scenario with precise timing. The stakes are high if you wait too long or get your bluff called.
    Thirty-one-year-old Tony, research director for a major pharmaceutical firm, prides himself on his ability to assess a person’s character. But he got really frustrated meeting men at parties and bars, giving them his card, and never hearing from them. “I knew we were hitting it off, so I offered my card because you never know how long you have to talk to someone at a cocktail party. Maybe he has other plans and has to leave, I don’t know. So I wanted to be prepared. The guy would almost always smile and say he’d call, so I didn’t feel the need to get his card.”
    But maybe Tony was too prepared. Maybe he played his hand too quickly. And as he learned from experience, he should have taken more control. When he met a guy he liked, he thought that leaving their meeting with clarity about who would call was all that was needed. Tony thought that being aggressive precluded his being the “happy to sit by the phone and wait for the call” type. Wrong.
    He is now a big believer that, when it comes to the “data swap,” it’s more empowering for him to get the card first.

3
    TELL YOUR FRIENDS WHEN TO SHUT THEIR MOUTHS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD

    When you are out carousing with friends and happen upon someone who makes your heart (and whatever else) flutter, you may find yourself suddenly back in high school, with commentary reverberating from all sides. Thanks to the gay gossip network, you may hear too many whispers in your ear about him, his life history, what he’s like, and whom he’s dated.
    Or, worse, he may start hearing stories about you. This is when you tell friends to shut their mouths for your own good.
    For instance, if your friends Bill and Gene pick up on your attraction to some new guy, they may just prop themselves next to him and start telling him stories all about you. The comments that “friends” get away with in this circumstance are nothing short of criminal.
    These friends act under the guise of being your “agents,” ostensibly to build you up and sell you and your attributes to the new guy. They say things with a humorous twist because, after all, they can say anything as long as it is said in humor. This is the common and heinous “B-b-but I was only joking” defense so popular among passive-aggressives everywhere.
    In front of dates I barely knew, I’ve had “friends” jokingly point out the social faux pas I made years ago, the disastrous last relationship I had (which they laughingly referred to as Nine Minutes), and the small scar on my leg that they continued to find so fascinating.
    When you spot a potential new date in social settings with friends, focus on these three truths:
    Friends should take vows of silence like Trappist monks.
    Friends should be like children—seen and not heard.
    Friends should have an immediate onset of TSAD (temporary social Alzheimer’s disease), in which you look familiar and they can vouch for your strong character, but they retain no recollection of any specific incident, previous boyfriend, embarrassing moment, or unpleasant physical characteristic.
    Perhaps during dinner with friends, you spot a hot man at the bar. Once dinner evolves into a drink at the bar (where the eye contact investment you made with Mr. Hottie has paid off) The Mandates must take over. You have to act before your friends get the chance to dish you to high heaven.