The Man Who Loved Women to Death Read Online Free Page A

my dog Victor. And she said Like Victor Potamkin, the old guy who used to sell Cadillacs on TV? And I said No, like the RCA Victor dog. And she said You mean Nipper, don’t you? And I said No, I mean the RCA Victor dog. And she said Right, the RCA Victor dog’s name is Nipper. And I said Well, my dog’s name is Victor. And we both laughed and that’s when she said I looked really familiar. Which, as you know, I hear a lot. I said I just have an ordinary face. She said Well, I guess you must. She was playing with me now. I shot a look at the clock, suddenly in a big rush to get to work. I asked her how late they’d be open. She said Six. I said I’d be back. She said Cool.
    Found a Greek coffeeshop around the corner and sat there drinking coffee with ten, twelve spoons of sugar in it. Only they wouldn’t let me smoke in there. Why won’t they let you smoke in coffeeshops anymore? I don’t get it. So I walked and smoked. Then I realized I hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday so I went in a bar, where it turns out they WILL let you smoke, and had me a double order of french fries. I drank more coffee. I sat and stared at the clock. My chest felt so tight I almost couldn’t breathe. After five o’clock the place started filling up with these loud, obnoxious Young Urban Shitheads in fancy suits ordering brands o f beer I’d never heard of. Weird thing about this city, Friend E. They won’t let you smoke a cigarette in a coffeeshop but it’s okay to be an asshole anywhere you want.
    She was waiting for me. I could tell by the way she looked up from the counter when I buzzed. And the way she smiled. She had a real nice smile, E. After some discussion I bought a 20 lb. bag of kibble that had brown rice and free-range-chicken bonemeal and a bunch of other ingredients in it you wouldn’t believe. You wouldn’t believe the price neither. I hung around while she was closing. Asked her if she had a long trip home. She said Not really. Told me where she lived, which turned out to be less than two blocks from where I was staying. I said Would you mind if I ride uptown with you? She said No, not at all. I didn’t try asking her out for a drink yet, sensing she’d go cautious on me if I did that.
    I told her my name while we walked to the subway. Hers was Diane. While we were riding home Diane asked me the usual, which was what I did for work. I told her I was employed by the City of New York as a social worker specializing in helping young inner-city fathers take responsibility for themselves both as providers and as parents. It is my personal belief, I told her, that the only way you can heal this city is one family at a time.
    Which is total bullshit, as you and I both know, E. But let me tell you, it was the perfect approach with Diane. Her big blue eyes got bigger and bluer. Her lips got softer and fuller. She wanted me, E. I could FEEL how she wanted me.
    I was in and I knew it. We both did:
    We were right near my place when we got off the train. I said Hey, Diane, want to come up and meet Victor? She said I’d like that. Just like I knew she would. She even let me hold her hand in the elevator. It was real small, but firm and dry. I warned her that my place wasn’t much. She told me it didn’t matter, she wasn’t into appearances. We walked in the door and I put down the bag o f kibble, which was damned heavy, and turned on a light. I said See? I told you it wasn’t much. She looked around and said Don’t be silly. It’s fine. Only, where’s Victor? Is he asleep? I ducked my head, really sheepish, and said Actually, I don’t own a dog. Now she was totally confused. I don’t get it, she said. Why did you buy the kibble? And I said Because I wanted to meet you. And she said Why? And I said Because I am the answer to your prayers, Diane. And she said What prayers?
    And then she didn’t say anything more because she KNEW. Only it was too late now. I had her. She was mine, all mine.
    This is the moment I live