The Life List (The List Trilogy) Read Online Free Page A

how different my life could’ve turned out?” Faking a shiver, “I get scared just thinking about it.”
    “What if, what if, what if, Chrissy? Are you trying to get another session out of this? I’ll set it up you know. I know how much money that little racket of yours is raking in, and I don’t mind taking it.”
    “I know, right!? Who would’ve thought my crazy idea would’ve worked out! I feel very lucky.”
    “It wasn’t luck, you made it happen. Just remember that, okay?”
    And then it hits me: we don’t have anything else to talk about.
    There aren’t any fires to put out or lies to contend with. There are no problems left that I can’t handle on my own.
    “I’m proud of you, Chrissy. You’re so you now. It’s got to feel good.”
    “Good and kinda sad.”
    “Why sad?”
    “Just wish I had figured it all out sooner.”
    “Join the club! Look hunny, it’s been a rough road for you these last few years, and like I already told you, it’s going to take a great deal of time to adjust to a life without the people you’ve lost. But I think you’re ready to handle the healthy part of the grieving process on your own. If you get stuck along the way, you can call me. Speaking of calling, have you heard from him again?”
    “Not a word since that one phone call after she passed away. I’m sure he forgot about asking me out. He was probably just being nice. It’s okay though. I heard he’s really happy with his new life. It’s all I ever wanted for him.”
    “Have you thought about reaching out to him?”
    “Nah. I’ve done my fair share of chasing him down. I’m not playing hard to get, it’s just that I made my feelings for him known. If he doesn’t want to see me, it’s only because he’s not comfortable reciprocating. Crap, can you blame him? Oh come on, stop looking at me like that.  I’m fine… really. There comes a time when you have to stop hoping and start accepting. That time has finally come for the both of us.”
    I feel so smart for saying that, but then I look at her, exhale and say,
    “But I still miss him every day.”
    “I know you do, hunny.”
    “But…I’m excited about my future. I’m so busy right now with the new business and stuff. I don’t have the time to be sad.”
    “How are you managing things? Please tell me it doesn’t involve a list of things to do from now until you’re a hundred!”
    “That’s funny. No, I only have daily, maybe a weekly list now!
    Much more realistic, right?”
    “Definitely.”
    “Just so you know, I burned the life list I made when I was sixteen.
    Yep, had a fun little ceremony with my friends in Mexico. It went up in smoke just like everything I wrote on it.”
    After sharing a quick giggle, “Geez Dr. Maria, do you remember that January morning when I made that call to you?”
    “Remember it? How could I forget? And how about the time of day you called?”
    “I was such a mess.”
    “You know, hun, I have a copy of that message saved in your file.  Would you like to hear it?”
    I wasn’t sure if she was testing me. Like, if I said yes, would I be displaying some kind of unstable behavior, like a person who can’t leave the past behind? Or did she just want me to be proud of my progress? Who cares? I was curious to hear myself as a guilt-laden lunatic charlatan.
    “Sure, let’s hear how desperate I sound.”

 
     
    Before (preposition) bi*fawr:
     
    A grammatical word indicating that a point in time, event, or situation precedes another in a sequence.

 
     
    Have you ever had everything you’d ever wanted
    A good life, good friends and a loving companion
    Take a hard look and pay real close attention
    I threw it all away with reckless abandon…
    Don’t judge me ‘til you’ve walked a mile in my shoes
    (Bartender, Keri Noble)

 
     
    Lost
     
     
    January 25, 1998
     
     
    It’s noon when I finally open my eyes. Even though I know I’m alone, and I will be for another couple of days, I totally expect