you back tomorrow evening instead of Sunday though. That way it’s just the one night. That’s OK , isn’t it?’
I nodded, not liking to tell her that it no longer bothered me spending two nights at Dad’s like it had when I was younger. And that I actually wouldn’t have minded spending Sunday with him as well. ‘Am I still meeting her ?’ I asked.
‘Oh yes … it’s scheduled for tomorrow, apparently.’ She pulled a sympathetic face. ‘I’m sorry, darling, but you’d better go upstairs now and pack a bag.He’ll be here soon and I don’t want to have to invite him in.’
I nearly rolled my eyes at that. Who was she kidding? I couldn’t even remember the last time she’d invited Dad inside our house. She gets into a major flap just interacting with him on the doorstep.
Mum and Dad split up when I was six and I can’t ever remember being in the same room as the two of them without there being an argument. I can still remember the tense feeling I’d get if they started to argue while we were at the table eating dinner. Sometimes I couldn’t swallow my food and Mum would start fussing about it and Dad would tell her to calm down and then their arguing would get even worse.
After Dad moved out things were better. I still saw him every week, though I didn’t stay the night with him for a few years. I always knew he loved me, but I’ve also always had the feeling that Mum loves me more. But then Mum has always been a lot more openly affectionate than Dad.
Mum began fostering two years after they split up – apparently after I started saying that I wanted a little brother or sister, though I don’t remember that. Mumsays that mostly what we do is provide a sort of practice family for children who’ve been taken into care – a chance to experience a ‘normal’ family life and work on any problems before they go to their new forever homes. An adoption is a second chance to have a family, Mum says, and that’s way too precious to waste by not being ready for it. Of course sometimes we’re just a safe place for a child to live while their own family gets themselves sorted out, which Mum says is a really nice job to have too.
Mum has always fostered preschoolers – usually girls. Most people think my mum does an amazing job, but needless to say Dad is more critical. He says he worries that I don’t get enough of Mum’s attention and he’s asked me a few times how I feel about it. Once, when I was in a bad mood about something one of our foster-kids had done, I complained to him that Mum always took their side rather than mine. I soon wished I hadn’t though, because he kicked up a huge fuss and accused Mum of putting her role as a foster-mum before the needs of her own daughter. After that I vowed I’d never complain to Dad about Mum again.
The truth is that both Mum and I enjoy having a little kid to focus on and I always get loads of praise from Mumfor being such a fantastic big sister. And yes, it’s sad when our foster-kids leave (though if I’m honest in one or two cases it’s been a bit of a relief as well) but overall we both still feel like it’s worth it.
Amy had stayed with us the longest. She’d had a lot of issues which needed to be addressed before she could be put up for adoption and she’d been pretty hard work in the beginning. But after a couple of months she had settled in to her new life with us and I was soon so attached to her that at one point I asked Mum if we could adopt her ourselves. Mum had even given it some thought and discussed it with our social worker. But in the end Mum felt we weren’t the best home for Amy in the long term. Plus I know Mum loves being a foster-parent, and she said she didn’t think she could do it any more if she adopted Amy.
Now, as I started to get my stuff together to take over to Dad’s place, Mum’s phone started ringing.
‘Oh, hi, Lenny …’ Lenny (short for Leonora) has been our social worker since Mum first started