The Hero's Guide to Being an Outlaw Read Online Free Page B

COURT in AVONDELL,
    SHALL RECEIVE, as his REWARD,
    UNTOLD RICHES.
    “Those bounty hunters are still chasing you, aren’t they?” he said. “And now they’ll find all three of us?”
    “Don’t get your pj’s in a bunch,” Gustav said, waving his hand dismissively. “I ditched those jerks way back by the Carpagian border. It’ll be days before they pick up my trail again.”
    At which point they suddenly found themselves surrounded by bounty hunters. Six men stepped out of the trees, including one who held three pony-size, gray-furred creatures on leashes.
    “See, giant ferrets,” Gustav said.
    “These ain’t no giant ferrets. They’re giant mongeese,” drawled the beady-eyed man who held the leashes. His pets hissed and bared their glistening fangs. “Vicious, cunning, snake-eating mongeese.”
    “Mongooses,” Frederic corrected.
    “You can’t help yourself, can you?” Rapunzel said to him.
    “They’re mongeese!” the bounty hunter snapped. “They’re my animals, and I say they’re mongeese!”

    Fig. 3
BOUNTY HUNTERS, assorted
    “You know, I have been telling you for ages that ‘mongeese’ is incorrect,” said another hunter, a slender elf with a longbow slung over his shoulder.
    “Look, it’s ‘goose’ and ‘geese,’ right?” the first replied. “So ‘mongoose,’ ‘mongeese.’”
    “You gotta admit, though,” added a stout, orange-bearded bounty hunter, “‘mongeese’ does sound kinda dumb.”
    “Enough!” A hooded man stepped forward; two curved swords formed an X on his back, and his belt was lined with daggers. He pulled back his hood, revealing a creased face and thin lips that curled over a mouthful of misshapen, discolored teeth. “The next person who argues grammar gets a dagger in his eye.”
    He sauntered up to Frederic and yanked the Wanted poster from the prince’s hand. He pointed to the sketch of Frederic’s face. “That you?” he asked.
    Frederic took a closer look at the drawing. “Uh, yes, that would be me. No point in denying it. The picture is an unfortunately accurate likeness. It figures, you know. The artist we hire to do our family portraits makes me look like I’m half goblin, the sculptor who crafts the League’s victory statue gives me a nose like a toucan, but the guy who draws the Wanted poster? He nails it.” He sighed and continued, “But now you have us at a disadvantage. You know who I am, but you have yet to introduce yourself.”
    The leader smiled. “I’m Greenfang,” he said. “I like you. You’ve got moxie. Shame they’ll probably kill you when I turn you in.” He called to the others, “Take him; the girl, too.” A pair of tall, blond twins grabbed Frederic and Rapunzel. While Frederic feared for his life and that of his friends, he couldn’t help feeling at least a smidgen of pride—no one had ever told him he had moxie before.
    Greenfang, in the meantime, walked over to Gustav, who was still stuck on the ground. The bounty hunter drew one of his long scimitars, jammed the blade between the teeth of the trap, and pried it open, freeing Gustav’s leg.
    Gustav slapped a hand to his forehead. “Starf it all!” he cursed. “I have a sword! I could’ve done that!” His forgotten weapon was then, of course, quickly taken away.
    As the three prisoners were led through the thick woods, Gustav hopping slowly along on one leg, the elven archer kept his bow trained on them.
    “Give it a rest, Pointy Ears,” Gustav snarked. “It’s not like I can run.”
    “Oh, you wouldn’t be able to escape even if you were in prime physical condition,” the archer replied coolly. “And since you so callously feel the need to bring it up, there is no race in the Thirteen Kingdoms with more finely crafted ears than us elves.”
    “Aren’t you a little tall to be an elf?” Gustav said. “Shouldn’t you be off making toys somewhere?”
    The archer sniffed haughtily. “I am an Avondellian elf. You are thinking of those