The Happiness Trap Read Online Free Page A

putting on the same act of bravado, hiding their true feelings for fear of disapproval or rejection. There was a huge sense of relief and bonding as these women opened up and got honest with one another.
    To make a gross generalisation, men are much worse than women at admitting their deepest concerns because men are taught to be stoic: to bottle up their feelings and hide them. After all, big boys don’t cry. In contrast, women learn to share and discuss their feelings from a young age. Nonetheless, many women are reluctant to tell even their closest friends that they are feeling depressed or anxious or not coping in some way, for fear of being judged weak or silly. Our silence about what we are really feeling and the false front we put on for the people around us simply add to the powerful illusion of control.
    So the question is: How much have you been influenced by all these control myths? The questionnaire on the following pages will help you find out.
    CONTROL OF THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS QUESTIONNAIRE
    This questionnaire has been adapted from similar ones developed by Steven Hayes, Frank Bond and others. When the term ‘negative thoughts and feelings’
    is used, it refers to a whole range of painful feelings (such as anger, depression and anxiety), and painful thoughts (such as bad memories, disturbing images, and harsh self-judgments). For each pair of statements, please select the one that most accurately fits how you feel. The answer you choose doesn’t have to be absolutely 100 per cent true for you all the time; just pick the answer which seems to be more representative of your general attitude.
    1a. I must have good control of my feelings in order to be successful in life.
    1b. It is unnecessary for me to control my feelings in order to be successful in life.
    2a. Anxiety is bad.
    2b. Anxiety is neither good nor bad. It is merely an uncomfortable feeling.
    3a. Negative thoughts and feelings will harm you if you don’t control or get rid of them.
    3b. Negative thoughts and feelings won’t harm you, even if they feel unpleasant.
    4a. I’m afraid of some of my strong feelings.
    4b. I’m not afraid of any feelings, no matter how strong.
    5a. In order for me to do something important, I have to get rid of all my doubts.
    5b. I can do something important, even when doubts are present.
    6a. When negative thoughts and feelings arise, it’s important to reduce or get rid of them as fast as possible.
    6b. Trying to reduce or get rid of negative thoughts and feelings frequently causes problems. If I simply allow them to be, then they will change as a natural part of living.
    7a. The best method of managing negative thoughts and feelings is to analyse them; then utilise that knowledge to get rid of them.
    7b. The best method of managing negative thoughts and feelings is to acknowledge their presence and let them be, without having to analyse or judge them.
    8a. I will become ‘happy’ and ‘healthy’ by improving my ability to avoid, reduce or get rid of negative thoughts and feelings.
    8b. I will become ‘happy’ and ‘healthy’ by allowing negative thoughts and feelings to come and go of their own accord, and learning to live effectively when they are present.
    9a. If I can’t suppress or get rid of a negative emotional reaction, it’s a sign of personal failure or weakness.
    9b. The need to control or get rid of a negative emotional reaction is a problem in itself.
    10a. Having negative thoughts and feelings is an indication that I’m psychologically unhealthy or ‘I’ve got problems’.
    10b. Having negative thoughts and feelings means I’m a normal human being.
    11a. People who are in control of their lives can generally control how they feel.
    11b. People who are in control of their lives do not need to try to control their feelings.
    12a. It is not okay to feel anxious and I try hard to avoid it.
    12b. I don’t like anxiety, but it’s okay to feel it.
    13a. Negative thoughts and feelings are a sign