The Frumious Bandersnatch Read Online Free
Author: Ed McBain
Glasgow, Scotland, from which fine city McIntoshâs grandmother had migrated.
McIntosh was fifty-two years old, and heâd been driving boats for the HPU for twenty-two years now, before which heâd operated a charter fishing boat in Calmâs Point. Back then, watching the police boats pulling into the marina, heâd wondered what the hell he was doing ferrying drunken fishermen all over the Sound. He finally asked himself Why not give it a shot? Took the Police Department exam the very next week, asked for assignment to the Harbor Patrol the minute he got out of the Academy.
Back then, the Police Department was still calling itself the Isola PD, even though precincts were located in all five sections of the city. Eventually, Calmâs Point, Majesta, Riverhead, and Bethtown rose up in protest, demanding equal rights or some such. The department, figuring it would cover all the bases and not cause any more riots than were absolutely necessary, began calling itself âMunicipal PD,â and then âMetro PD,â and then âMPDâ for short. Some of the older hands, howeverâMcIntosh includedâfelt they had changed the name only because the acronym âIPDâ for Isola Police Department was being translated by the ordinary citizenry to mean âI Peed,â a not entirely flattering descriptive image for stalwarts of the law rushing to the rescue.
There was nothing suspicious about the twenty-seven footer moving slowly toward the Hamilton Bridge, except that she was cruising along with just her running lights on. No lights in the cabin or anywhere else on the boat. Well, that wasnât too unusual, McIntosh supposed, but even so, in these difficult times he didnât want to be blamed later on if some crazy bastard ran a boat full of explosives into one of the bridgeâs pylons. So he hit a switch on the dash, and a red light began blinking and rotating on the prow of the launch, and he signaled to Officer Betty Knowles to throw a light onto the smaller boat ahead.
Aboard the Rinker, Avery Hanes whispered, âLet me handle this.â
Well, hell, he was the smart one.
Â
â WHY DO I have to be black?â Jonah was asking her.
Tamar didnât know what to answer the poor man.
Because the good Lord intended you to be that way?
She hated deep philosophical questions.
Like when a reporter from Billboard magazine asked her what she thought of Mick Jagger, and sheâd had to admit she didnât know who Mick Jagger was. When the reporter explained that he was a seminal rock singer, she didnât mention that she didnât know what âseminalâ meant. Instead, she told them she didnât consider herself a rock singer, and besides she was very young. So, of course they asked what kind of singer she considered herself to be, and sheâd had to admit she thought of her kind of music as mainstream pop. But a question like Jonahâs absolutely floored her. Sheâd never suspected till this very moment that he was so deep.
What she was hoping was that nobody would be disappointed because she and Jonah wouldnât be duplicating all the bells and whistles on the video, but of course how could they do that on a little boat in the middle of the river? Tonight, sheâd be lip-synching, which was okay because everyone in the crowd was very hip, she guessed, and surely nobody expected her to really perform the entire video, did they? Shit, it had cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to shoot the thing with all the special effects and everything, so how could anyone expect a duplication of all that on this dinky little boat here, even though Barney kept calling it a âlaunch.â She certainly hoped nobody had such wild expectations in mind, which was a good title for a song and maybe for her next album, âWild Expectations.â She certainly hoped they would appreciate her just lip-synching while she dry-humped
McIntosh was fifty-two years old, and heâd been driving boats for the HPU for twenty-two years now, before which heâd operated a charter fishing boat in Calmâs Point. Back then, watching the police boats pulling into the marina, heâd wondered what the hell he was doing ferrying drunken fishermen all over the Sound. He finally asked himself Why not give it a shot? Took the Police Department exam the very next week, asked for assignment to the Harbor Patrol the minute he got out of the Academy.
Back then, the Police Department was still calling itself the Isola PD, even though precincts were located in all five sections of the city. Eventually, Calmâs Point, Majesta, Riverhead, and Bethtown rose up in protest, demanding equal rights or some such. The department, figuring it would cover all the bases and not cause any more riots than were absolutely necessary, began calling itself âMunicipal PD,â and then âMetro PD,â and then âMPDâ for short. Some of the older hands, howeverâMcIntosh includedâfelt they had changed the name only because the acronym âIPDâ for Isola Police Department was being translated by the ordinary citizenry to mean âI Peed,â a not entirely flattering descriptive image for stalwarts of the law rushing to the rescue.
There was nothing suspicious about the twenty-seven footer moving slowly toward the Hamilton Bridge, except that she was cruising along with just her running lights on. No lights in the cabin or anywhere else on the boat. Well, that wasnât too unusual, McIntosh supposed, but even so, in these difficult times he didnât want to be blamed later on if some crazy bastard ran a boat full of explosives into one of the bridgeâs pylons. So he hit a switch on the dash, and a red light began blinking and rotating on the prow of the launch, and he signaled to Officer Betty Knowles to throw a light onto the smaller boat ahead.
Aboard the Rinker, Avery Hanes whispered, âLet me handle this.â
Well, hell, he was the smart one.
Â
â WHY DO I have to be black?â Jonah was asking her.
Tamar didnât know what to answer the poor man.
Because the good Lord intended you to be that way?
She hated deep philosophical questions.
Like when a reporter from Billboard magazine asked her what she thought of Mick Jagger, and sheâd had to admit she didnât know who Mick Jagger was. When the reporter explained that he was a seminal rock singer, she didnât mention that she didnât know what âseminalâ meant. Instead, she told them she didnât consider herself a rock singer, and besides she was very young. So, of course they asked what kind of singer she considered herself to be, and sheâd had to admit she thought of her kind of music as mainstream pop. But a question like Jonahâs absolutely floored her. Sheâd never suspected till this very moment that he was so deep.
What she was hoping was that nobody would be disappointed because she and Jonah wouldnât be duplicating all the bells and whistles on the video, but of course how could they do that on a little boat in the middle of the river? Tonight, sheâd be lip-synching, which was okay because everyone in the crowd was very hip, she guessed, and surely nobody expected her to really perform the entire video, did they? Shit, it had cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to shoot the thing with all the special effects and everything, so how could anyone expect a duplication of all that on this dinky little boat here, even though Barney kept calling it a âlaunch.â She certainly hoped nobody had such wild expectations in mind, which was a good title for a song and maybe for her next album, âWild Expectations.â She certainly hoped they would appreciate her just lip-synching while she dry-humped