The Colossal Camera Calamity Read Online Free Page A

didn’t care. Properly sized jumpers were so last year.
    “Work it, baby,” Ashley said as I strutted around the lost property office. “Now, sashay!”
    “How do I do that?” I asked.
    “I think you make your lips pouty,” she said.
    I put my hand on my hip and puffed out my lips. “Like this?”
    “Ooh-ooh-aah-aah!” said Ashley. She was almost crying with laughter, but Frankie was not impressed.
    “Focus, Hank,” he said. “You are trying to make your photo better. Is this the look you want to be remembered by?”
    “Fashion is my life, Frankie,” I said, but he only folded his arms. “OK, I’ll focus.”
    I tried to pull the sweater off, but the stupid thing wouldn’t go over my head because it was too tight. I grunted and yelled and hopped up and down and did about twenty other useless things until I ended up crashing into some shelves and falling on my bum.
    Then something – a very large ball, I think, or at least something spherical and bouncy – fell off a shelf and knocked me on the head. Three more things then fell off the shelf and hit me too. I’m not sure what they were because I was seeing stars from that spherical object and also blinded by the sweater.
    Ashley and Frankie tried to pull the sweater off, but it felt as though my head was about to go with it. I howled until finally the jumper snapped off.
    When we’d all recovered, Frankie said, “Dude, this place is a washout. You’re not going to find anything in here.”
    “You’re wrong about that,” I said, noticing a blue rucksack on the floor beside me. It must have fallen off the shelf. “My old bag!”
    “And what about that red one?” Ashley pointed to one between my legs.
    “Mine too! And look, there’s Old Yellow.” My favourite ever bag was sitting beside my other leg. When my grandfather, Papa Pete, had given it to me, he had put a chocolate bar in one of the pockets. I, of course, lost the rucksack the first day I took it to school. I unzipped the small pocket now and, wonder of wonder, the chocolate was still in there – a little smashed and flattened, but probably still edible. There was only one way to find out.
    “It’s good,” I said after the first bite. “You guys want some?”
    “Pass,” Ashley said.
    “Nah,” Frankie said. “Let’s leave. There’s nothing in here that will fit you.”
    “There is one uniform that would fit…” I said, eyeing Frankie and his jumper and his shirt and tie.
    “Forget it, man. I don’t give up my threads for anyone.”
    “Come on,” said Ashley. “He’s your best friend.”
    “I’ve never seen him before in my entire life,” Frankie said.
    I took another bite of delicious chocolate, peanuts, caramel and nougat. Which made me think, what exactly was nougat? Was it a type of nut that I didn’t know about? Or maybe it was one of those weird exotic fruits my mum went crazy for, like persimmons. I shook my head to get rid of the thought. Now was not the time to think about persimmons.
Focus, Hank.
    “Can I interest you in a trade, then, Frankie?” I asked, waving the half-eaten chocolate bar at him.
    “I don’t want an old-rucksack-mystery bar.”
    “No, but guess what my mum made me for lunch?”
    “My favourite pudding?” he asked.
    “Your favourite pudding,” I said.
    “You know, Hank, you’ve always been my best friend,” Frankie said, pulling his jumper over his head.

CHAPTER TEN
    From the pages of Emily Zipzer’s field notebook…
    12:51 p.m., 8th March
    I am trying to stay positive, but I fear I am losing control.
    Let me start at the beginning.
    Dad arrived punctually at 10:55 a.m. and met me outside the science classroom, where all the shortlisted candidates were to be welcomed by Dr Mehat, who will be conducting the interviews.
    I had half-expected Dad to arrive hand-in-hand with the mother, but he came alone. He was, however, visibly nervous and sweaty, and he was wearing his most unflattering jumper. The black one he’s had since