The Clueless Girl's Guide to Being a Genius Read Online Free

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    I turned to the chalkboard to figure where to print my name for maximum visibility. It’s not that I wasn’t stinging from the insults. It’s just that I was a problem solver. I may not have been able to figure out how to look smarter than a Chihuahua, but I could use my math skills to try to solve the problem that had set the whole thing in motion. I examined the angles of unobstructed space to the board, and the objects that were in the way. Then I created an algebraic formula using those things as the variables. The chalk slapped against the board, leaving fragments. When I got to the second row of the formula, the class began to quiet. When I reached the end, the only sound was the chalk.
    â€œBased upon my calculations, the best viewing area is here,” I explained, drawing a line on the board and writing my name on it. My knees felt weak, but I kept my voice strong. “Any questions before I begin?”
    Timothy raised his hand. “I have a question.”
    â€œExcellent.” I said. “I would be happy to answer it.”
    â€œWhat does a mermaid wear to math class? An algebra. Get it?” He laughed. “Algae-bra.”
    The class groaned. I wanted to laugh, partly because I was still a little nervous and partly because I had never heard that math joke before, but I managed to control myself. Then I went into my prepared speech. “Mathematics,” I said, “is one of mankind’s most basic sources of knowledge. Many of the greatest problems of mankind have been solved through its use. Humans have literally moved mountains because of mathematics.” They stared, as if momentarily fixed to their seats, and I continued. “Without it, there would be no bridges and no gasoline. Nobody could compensate for antigravity in outer space, or heat oil to the temperature that creates French fries. Without mathematics, life as we know it would cease to exist.”
    I wasn’t sure if they were interested or getting ready for another attack. Somewhere I had read that a pack of wolves won’t pounce on anything that is taller than it, so I picked up a math book, held it high, and continued.
    â€œMathematics is finite and infinite. It forces us to ask why and how, which gives meaning and depth to our lives. It is the only learned discipline where one can achieve absolute truth.”
    They stared.
    â€œWe’ll begin with an analysis of Lakatos’s philosophy of mathematics.” I lowered the book.
    â€œAll I want to know is enough to pass eighth grade,” said Roland. “You ever teach fractions?”
    â€œWell, no,” I admitted.
    â€œSquare roots?”
    â€œActually, this will be the first time I’ve taught lower-grade math concepts.”
    Grumbling sounded across the classroom.
    â€œI told you,” said Roland. “They don’t care about us. She doesn’t know nothing about teaching.”
    â€œAt least she knows more than you,” said Adam.
    Roland crumpled a paper from his notebook and threw it at Adam, who crumpled a paper and threw it at Roland in retaliation. Other students joined the fray, springing open their binders and using filler paper as ammunition. Mindy sat with her math book open, slowly ripping out pages and tearing them to shreds.
    I thought about screaming, but I doubted anyone would hear me above the roar. Suddenly, Miss Snipal’s Ping-Pong balls did not seem like such a bad idea.
    â€œThey’re a rowdy bunch,” Principal DeGuy had warned me. “Some real underachievers.”
    â€œAnyone can be a math wiz,” I had assured him.
    â€œMaybe,” he said. “And maybe frogs can fly.”
    A giant spitball zipped by, inches from my head, and splattered onto the chalkboard. I ducked behind my desk for safety. It didn’t matter to me if Principal DeGuy had his doubts, or even if my students did. I was going to prove that they could be math wizzes.