The Bravest Kid I've Ever Known and Other Naughty Stories for Good Boys and Girls Read Online Free Page A

rooms. Of course the Nyora guys ran too, chasing Alan. Trouble was, every one of us secretly had one foot sticking out, and all eighteen Nyora players tripped over and fell flat on their faces in the mud!
    Straight away, little Danny Biggs grabbed the ball, raced down the ground — dodging all the fallen Nyora players — and bang!
    One goal to Neerim West.
    ‘Yes!’ screamed the crowd.
    By the time the Nyora team had picked themselves up from the ground, their coach was screaming at them to stay where they were. He didn’t want us kicking another goal!
    The ball was bounced again and suddenly Alan was running back onto the ground. ‘Now!’ he screamed.
    And with that, every one of our team ran behind a Nyora player, grabbed his shorts and pulled them to the ground. Dacked the lot of them, we did. Undies as well. And every one of the Nyora players just stood there in shock.
    What a sight it must have been from the boundary line — mud and slush and eighteen white bottoms. White, cold bottoms.
    ‘Oh, look!’ screamed Alan, pointing at Monkey. ‘His willie’s turned blue!’
    Well, we didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or grab the ball and kick another goal. Thank goodness, we kicked another goal.
    Bang! Two goals all.
    The sight of all those Nyora players trying to chase us with their dacks down around their ankles was classic. Like eighteen penguins.
    Well, you can imagine what the Nyora guys were like after that. They were so angry you could see the whites of their eyes.
    The umpire bounced the ball.
    Whack! Monkey jumped right into Alan’s back. Free kick.
    Thump! Six players ran straight into Danny Biggs. Another free kick.
    Boof! Another free kick. Guess who to? Me. Only fifteen metres out from goal.
    And then the siren!
    Oh no. I felt sick. I lined up the goals and the crowd went quiet.
    The sight of that ball sailing through the middle of the goals is something we will never forget. We’d won for the first time in three years!
    If anyone says it was a lucky goal, agree with them — I kicked it with my eyes closed.
    The crowd clapped and cheered and cried and hugged. They carried Alan off the ground on their shoulders. And do you know what? Even the Nyora guys clapped. They’re tough, but they’re terrific sports.
    Poor Monkey Roberts has never been the same since. He still kicks well enough, but taking marks has become a terrible problem.
    You see, he only uses one hand. He uses the other to hold onto his shorts.

What a week, thought Father Christmas. On Thursday, I stubbed my toe getting into the stupid sleigh.
    On Saturday, the North Pole Bears lost by sixteen goals.
    It’s only three weeks till Christmas and I’m way behind with the toys, plus my helpers seem to be spending more time PLAYING video games than making them.
    And worst of all, the doctor tells me I’m too fat!
    ‘Without wishing to be unkind,’ the doctor had said, ‘take away the red coat and we’re looking at a giant slug.’

    Poor Father Christmas. He knew that everyone had their wobblies, but being behind with the toys — that was a real problem. So far behind that unless all his helpers worked twice as hard, some kids would miss out. And that was unthinkable.
    In the end, Father Christmas called all his helpers together for a meeting.
    ‘I don’t know what’s wrong,’ he said, ‘but there’s only three weeks to go and half the children’s toy lists are still stacked up in my office. They haven’t even been looked at! I know you all help me for no pay and you all do your best, but I’m desperate.’
    Secretly, Father Christmas knew his helpers hadn’t been doing their best — not for the last couple of months, anyway. But what can you say when people are helping you for free?
    The leader of the helpers, Freddie, said, ‘Well, it’s like this, FC. We’ve been helping you now for — what is it? — two thousand years. And it wears off after a while. On top of that, all these cool new video games are coming