myself.”
“There’s
no need, Mom. I’ll ask him when the time is right. He’s going through a lot.”
A
few minutes later, Gayle hung up. She looked outside and watched the cars and buses
passing by. Gayle thought about what her mom had said all day; she couldn’t
shake the topic from her mind.
When
Doerr came home late, she was still vacillating over whether to confront him. “How
was work today?” she asked curtly.
“Nothing
new,” he said as he took his shirt off.
“Let
me take that.” She took the shirt and threw it in the hamper.
She
looked at his tired face and decided to postpone the confrontation for another
day. Like many nights, Doerr went in the bathroom and Gayle hit the bed; she
had to go to work early the next day.
AFTER
FINISHING HIS dinner, Doerr wiped his face with a white paper towel and decided
to join Gayle in bed. Since Billy’s sudden death, he had been in so much
distress that he hadn’t had a really long talk with her for a while. He entered
the bedroom, and without turning the light on, he slid under the blanket,
wrapped his long arms around her and asked, “Enjoy your day off?”
“Sort
of.” She sounded sad. “I had a lot of things to do.”
“Like
what?” he asked jokingly. “Shopping for dresses and lipsticks?”
“No,
I didn’t go shopping…I was busy.”
“I
can’t believe that. You didn’t go shopping on your day off? It’s like me not
logging in to the Internet on my day off. What else did you do?”
She
said nothing for a few seconds. “My mom called.”
Doerr
sighed. He had not gotten along with his mother-in-law from the very beginning.
He knew she had been against Gayle marrying him. After their marriage, the
relationship between Doerr and his mother-in-law had only deteriorated. “What did
you guys talk about?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
He drew her closer and laughed. “How is that possible?”
“Not
much, I guess.” She paused again. “Let me ask you, Max. Have you always been
truthful to me?”
“Of
course, what kind of question is that?” He raised his head. “What’s wrong,
dear?”
“Nothing.”
“Oh,
I know. She said something bad about me. Didn’t she?”
“Don’t
talk like that, Max.” She moved her hand over his back, up his neck and
massaged gently.
“Sorry.”
“How
are you dealing with everything? Is work okay?”
“It’s
fine.” Doerr sighed. “Every day someone seems to be getting murdered in the
city. I don’t know when NYPD will find the bastard who killed Billy. I don’t
know if they will find the man at all.”
“I
know you’re very sad. But don’t worry.” She patted his hair. “They will find
Billy’s killer. It’s only a matter of time.”
“I
don’t know, dear. As the days are going by, my hopes are receding. In 2009, the
NYPD solved only fifty-nine percent of all murders, which means nearly half the
killers got away.”
They
lay on the bed for a few minutes, in a loose embrace. “How is your work?” Doerr asked gently.
“My
work? Every day poses a new problem. The Indian guy at work keeps harassing me,
and the Russian guy questions everything I do. But enough about my work.” She raised
her head and pressed her lips against his.
He
moved his head away. “Sorry. I’m just not in the mood.”
She
sank her head back into the pillow. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Was
there a life insurance policy for Billy?”
“No.
I thought of getting one many times, but I never quite had the time.”
DOERR
WOKE UP to a bright sunny day; the temperature was just a shade above eighty.
Gayle had left for work already. While brushing his teeth in the bathroom, he
saw Billy’s toothbrush. Painfully, he gathered Billy’s stuff – his brush,
razor, deodorant and his fragrances – and put them in a bag and tucked the bag under
the bed in Billy’s room. He had already given away all of his son’s clothes and
shoes to a Goodwill store and had