The Arrangement (Erotic Novella) Read Online Free Page A

arrangement - don't you think I'd
know?" And then, finally he looks at me, and I know from the way
his jaw tightens that I’ve hurt him.
    “You use that
word a lot, you know. Arrangement,” he says, and I try to hold my
tongue. I’ve knocked him back, and he’s bound to be a bit sore
about it. But he doesn’t stop. “That's how we started isn't it? We
got drunk. I hit on you. You laid out the terms of our arrangement, " he says, and I just can’t help it…
    "Well fuck you
too! I don't remember you complaining." Oh God, what’s happening.
What am I doing? How did I get from the most heavenly screw of my
life to this?
    And then Harry
takes me completely by surprise. He wraps his arms around me. Even
though I’m mad at him. Even though I’m rejecting him. I need him
like this. Love him like this. Holding me together while my temper
simmers. "I didn't, babe,” he tells me. “I'm not complaining
now."
    "What then?!"
My words are muffled by a great wall of chest, though his sigh
tells me he’s heard.
    He releases me
from the hug, but still his hands are on my arms, comforting me
like I deserve it. “I'm saying I want you to be with me. Just me. And you want the same thing."
    I can’t bear
it. Why is he doing this, making me spell it out for him so
cruelly? "I - I'm sorry, but I don’t. I just don't.” It’s the worst
thing I’ve ever had to say to anyone, and I’m saying it to Harry . My gorgeous Harry. “You're... You're my boss. It'd be
too messy," I say, trying to somehow make this less my
choice - more just the way things are. It’s a cheap shot and he
calls me on it.
    "So if I wasn't
your boss? Then what?" he asks, and the way he says it - all thick
with tension - I can’t help wondering if there’s something else he’s not been telling me.
    I don’t respond
at first. I can’t. There’s no good way to put this. But he’s
staring at me so intently that there’s nothing for it… “I still
wouldn’t want that, Harry," I say, and then I have to pull away. I
can’t let him comfort me while I hurt him. "I want a relationship.
I've tried. Too many times. I just get bored and bitter."
    "OK," he says,
and he doesn't sound patronizing or pissed off. It's worse than
that. He just sounds - I don't know - resigned . Then he
leans in close and kisses my forehead so tenderly I think I might
cry again, but I won’t. I absolutely won’t.
    Except, I do.
Because just as he’s about to leave my room he turns back to face
me. “Do me a favour, Em. Stay away from me. I’ll see you at work,
but that’s it from now on. I don’t want to see you any more than I
have to.”
    Harry’s brow is
a knot of tension as he walks out of my bedroom, and I so
desperately want to chase after him. I want to scream at him to be
reasonable - but that’s the thing. He is being reasonable.
It’s me who wants to have my boss-shaped cake and eat him too.
    I can’t change
who I am. Even for Harry.
    But I almost
think I might try. My legs are itching to follow him and my hands
long to clutch hold of his thick wrists and yank him back to me.
But I stop myself. Lily’s key turns in the front door just as
Harry’s about to leave, and it’s enough to shake me back to
reality.
    We want
different things. I have to let him go.

    4.
    Lunch with
Celia goes better than I expect. I don’t think about Harry. I’ve
got him out of my system. I cried and agonized over him all night
long, and now I’ve stored him in a little box marked ‘keep
closed’.
    I hold Celia’s
hand as we head down my road. She’s nervous about facing Lily. It's
been a long time since I've seen her so sober, in every sense of
the word, and for her sake I really hope she’s strong enough to go
through with this apology.
    Lily knows Celia's coming by. I warned/asked her. And she's OK
with it. She's way past caring about Tom. If anything, she thinks
Celia did her a favour, and in a way I’ve got to agree. Tom was a
supreme waste of space, and Lily wasn’t