The Achievement Habit Read Online Free Page B

his condition became too much for her to handle, so she moved him to a residential care facility about forty miles away. She visited him regularly, and I joined her once a month.
    We would pick Julian up at the facility and drive him to a nearby lakeside park. There we would hold hands and walk slowly along the lake singing old folk songs like “Oh My Darling, Clementine” and, in honor of Julian’s Scottish origins, “The Bonnie Banks o’ Loch Lomond.” Finally we would buy him an ice cream or something else for his still well-functioning sweet tooth. It was always a great time, full of warm feelings and fun, even on the days when it wasn’t clear whether Julian recognized me. On the drive back home I always felt glad to be alive. I left looking forward to my next visit.
    Ann chronicled how she and Julian continued to celebrate life in two books— Alzheimer’s, a Love Story and A Curious Kind of Widow —that describe how after the initial shock of fear, anger, and dread, she decided they would go down the road together in a spirit of love. Her books were used by the Alzheimer’s Association to give hope and guidance to many families. They also led to invitations to lecture to lay caregivers and medical professionals at workshops and conferences.
    While Julian was sick I also had another friend with advanced Alzheimer’s. He too had loving and concerned caregivers, but they were consumed by a sense of fear, tragedy, and loss, and he was ordered about like a child and kept under tight control.
    When I visited my friend, I always felt very uncomfortable for him, and was glad to leave. There was no joy in that place. The contrast with Julian could not have been greater. Interestingly,pre-Alzheimer’s, Julian and my other friend had been similar in almost every way, and their disease progression was essentially identical. Clearly, what made the difference was Ann’s attitude. For me it remains a strong reminder of how once we understand we give everything in our life its meaning, we can begin to control what happens to us and even convert our own adversity into a gift to ourselves and our loved ones.
THE MEANING OF ACHIEVEMENT
    At the risk of sounding immodest, I’ve won a lot of awards. I have drawers filled with them. They’re nice to receive and sometimes the dinners are fun. However, the next morning when I wake up and look at them—the glass paperweight, the certificate—they don’t really mean anything.
    So it is with many of the hallmarks of “achievement,” as people usually use the word. Getting on the honor roll, graduating from college, getting a high-paying job, getting a higher-paying job, being salesman of the month, getting the corner office, getting a company car, getting interviewed by the media, winning awards: this is what most people think of when they think of achievement. To me all this misses the mark.
    Each of those things can be a genuine achievement—something that means something to you for more than a day—or each could just be a badge of importance that you use to show people that you’re somebody . Do those things make you happy in and of themselves?
    I know mega-millionaires who are miserable. They spend their money getting the fat sucked out of their love handles and hiring bodyguards because they’re paranoid (maybe rightfully so) that people are out to get them. They’re always concerned with outdoing themselves and making the next million and thenext—and for what? Conversely, I know artists who barely scrape by yet are happy and fulfilled. Neither is a sure path to happiness or enlightenment; you can surely be rich and happy, but one doesn’t necessarily follow the other.
    Achievement for achievement’s sake, then, is pretty hollow. It’s the endless pursuit of a carrot on a stick as you race around a track. For me, real achievement is traveling to a foreign country, learning some of the language, and finding my way around on my own. Real achievement is learning to