THAT WAS THE MILLENIUM THAT WAS Read Online Free
Author: John Scalzi
his or her life (generally during childhood; the 46-year-old CEO who can't ruthlessly trample a foundering competitor without clutching "Binky Bear" to his Wharton-graduated chest is a rare one indeed). My infant daughter has an even dozen, provided to her at her birth by relatives, friends, and a Kay-Bee Toys whose security was just a little too lax that one day I was short on cash (I'm kidding . It was Toys-R-Us). She's got other stuffed toys, including lions, bunnies, puppies and a vibrating helicopter (it was a gift. I swear ). I suspect, however, that none of these will have the staying power of the bears.
Why? At least partially because they have been so popular in the past, and at least as it comes to children's first toys, familiarity breeds success. We all had teddy bears, so our kids will have them too. And of course, there are other nefarious plans at work -- We had to fight to keep Winnie-The-Pooh from metastatizing all over our baby's nursery and becoming a locked-in, just-send-all-your-income-straight-to-Disney theme. Fight , mind you. Now, growing up, we all had other stuffed creatures, too, but none of them have the eternal staying power, the claw hold in cultural memory. Two decades from now, when today's first graders start their cycle of reproduction (Parents: Whatever you do, don't think of your own first-grader reproducing -- on that path lie madness), their children will know nothing about, say, stuffed Pokemons. And, might I add, Thank God.
Anyway, darn it, stuffed baby bears are cuter than any other animal known to man -- so much so that they pose a hazard in real life. Forest rangers are always having to tell people to stay away from bear cubs they might find out there while camping, not so much because of the threat posed by the cub (though if you think about it, your average bear cub is the size of a Rottweiler, and just as much a carnivore), but because wherever a cub might be, a momma bear is sure to follow, weighing half a ton, bearing four-inch claws, and being more than happy to gnaw on your dumb-ass skull if you so much as even breathe in the direction of her darling cub, which of course you've done -- you've had the kids pose next to the thing for a Kodak moment.
It's hard to feel too sorry for these people. Anyone whose brain can't wrap itself around the idea that a wild animal might not be the same complacent stuffed toy they remember from their youth deserves what they get. That's one trait we don't need floating around in the gene pool. Be that as it may, the fact it happens with enough frequency that Fox could fill up an entire hour of television with it ("When Bears Attack Stupid Tourists -- 4!!!" ) points to the wide-scale influence teddy bears have had. I suppose we ought to be glad Teddy Roosevelt didn't decide to spare the life of a baby Great White.
Best Science Fiction Novel of The Millennium.
Somnium (Dream of a Voyage from the Earth to the Moon). In the book, the hero is launched, with the help of his mother, who has magical powers, to the moon. Here's an excerpt (translated by by computer, with some judicious editing by moi ), in which a demonic tour guide (of sorts) describes the precautions necessary for a moon launch, and the effects of weightlessness on the passengers.
"The initial shock is the worst moment, because the traveler is projected as by a powder explosion... It is thus necessary that he is calmed by opiates; arms and legs must be carefully protected so that they are not torn off, and so the effect of the launch is spread in all his body. The passenger will then encounter new difficulties: an extreme cold and difficult breathing...
"After the beginning of the voyage, things become easier, because during a so long voyage, the body undoubtedly escapes the mathematical [read: gravitational] force from the Earth and penetrates that of the Moon, so that the latter takes the top.
"At this point, we release the travelers and leave them to their own
Why? At least partially because they have been so popular in the past, and at least as it comes to children's first toys, familiarity breeds success. We all had teddy bears, so our kids will have them too. And of course, there are other nefarious plans at work -- We had to fight to keep Winnie-The-Pooh from metastatizing all over our baby's nursery and becoming a locked-in, just-send-all-your-income-straight-to-Disney theme. Fight , mind you. Now, growing up, we all had other stuffed creatures, too, but none of them have the eternal staying power, the claw hold in cultural memory. Two decades from now, when today's first graders start their cycle of reproduction (Parents: Whatever you do, don't think of your own first-grader reproducing -- on that path lie madness), their children will know nothing about, say, stuffed Pokemons. And, might I add, Thank God.
Anyway, darn it, stuffed baby bears are cuter than any other animal known to man -- so much so that they pose a hazard in real life. Forest rangers are always having to tell people to stay away from bear cubs they might find out there while camping, not so much because of the threat posed by the cub (though if you think about it, your average bear cub is the size of a Rottweiler, and just as much a carnivore), but because wherever a cub might be, a momma bear is sure to follow, weighing half a ton, bearing four-inch claws, and being more than happy to gnaw on your dumb-ass skull if you so much as even breathe in the direction of her darling cub, which of course you've done -- you've had the kids pose next to the thing for a Kodak moment.
It's hard to feel too sorry for these people. Anyone whose brain can't wrap itself around the idea that a wild animal might not be the same complacent stuffed toy they remember from their youth deserves what they get. That's one trait we don't need floating around in the gene pool. Be that as it may, the fact it happens with enough frequency that Fox could fill up an entire hour of television with it ("When Bears Attack Stupid Tourists -- 4!!!" ) points to the wide-scale influence teddy bears have had. I suppose we ought to be glad Teddy Roosevelt didn't decide to spare the life of a baby Great White.
Best Science Fiction Novel of The Millennium.
Somnium (Dream of a Voyage from the Earth to the Moon). In the book, the hero is launched, with the help of his mother, who has magical powers, to the moon. Here's an excerpt (translated by by computer, with some judicious editing by moi ), in which a demonic tour guide (of sorts) describes the precautions necessary for a moon launch, and the effects of weightlessness on the passengers.
"The initial shock is the worst moment, because the traveler is projected as by a powder explosion... It is thus necessary that he is calmed by opiates; arms and legs must be carefully protected so that they are not torn off, and so the effect of the launch is spread in all his body. The passenger will then encounter new difficulties: an extreme cold and difficult breathing...
"After the beginning of the voyage, things become easier, because during a so long voyage, the body undoubtedly escapes the mathematical [read: gravitational] force from the Earth and penetrates that of the Moon, so that the latter takes the top.
"At this point, we release the travelers and leave them to their own
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