Tales From the Swollen Corpse Read Online Free

my bed, warm and cozy. My pillow freshly turned to the cool side, the smell of Heather’s hair. That’s where I wish I was.
    Now, I am in a warehouse, covered in gunk, running to help my coworkers fend off the living dead, and as if that’s not shitty enough, it’s getting late; I can feel the cold creeping in.
    We got up front and found Hector sitting on the floor crying. Barb had old Larry pinned against the wall. She told him something about not giving a damn; I assumed by her inflection that she was defending Hector. She then told Larry to get his ass up to the manager’s office and stay there ‘til he’s settled down or fucking Zombies would be the least of his worries.
    I turned to Dan and asked what the hell happened and where Heather was.
    “I don’t know where Heather is.” Dan said, looking bewildered.
    “She went to the bathroom.” Barb yelled without even looking at us.
    Well what the fuck happened?” Ryan asked.
    Dan shook his head then began sharing what had been going on.
    “Dude, you guys weren’t gone two minutes and the shit hit the fan. I was over here blocking the door and hanging with Barb when we hear Ol ‘ Larry scream for someone to come give a hand. Barb sends me to see what’s up. I get in the break room and there’s Hector trying to pull Nicole off that redneck customer. Fucking Larry’s got this big heavy axe and he hits Nicole with it. Her teeth were sunk in the dude’s neck good so when he hit her, pieces of her skull and a chunk of the dude’s neck go flying. The guy’s lying on the floor bleeding out. Half of Nicole’s head is gone and she’s still going. Me and Hec pin her to the couch and ‘ Ol Larry takes the axe to what’s left of her head. Every whack and she’s thrashing more. Then after a particularly good whack, she just stops like someone took out the batteries.
    We were looking at what’s left of Nicole and Larry makes some stupid crack that Hector might finally have a shot getting in her pants. So Hec calls Larry’s Mom a whore in Spanish and the two idiots get in each other’s face. I yell at them to knock that shit off and ask where the lady was. We all look over and see her sitting at a table with her head buried in her hands sobbing.”
    Dan paused and turned from us, looking at the floor. Nervously he cupped his chin and rubbed his cheek with his finger tips . “None of us had noticed the dude Nicole had been snacking on had gotten up. He was standing behind her. Before we could yell, he… uh… well I didn’t know a person could do that with their hands; he ripped her apart. When we got over to him he had fingers in her eye sockets and mouth; holding her head like it was a fucking bowling ball, with his other hand he was busy tearing into her. He didn’t notice Larry come up behind him. Larry got busy with the axe, and when we all agreed the redneck wouldn’t get back up; Larry made sure the lady wouldn’t either.”
    I looked at Ryan, he looked a bit shaken. I think he had a thing for Nicole; he would never admit it but you could tell. I looked back at Dan, who had perked up.
    “Dude your fucking girlfriend.” He said, smiling at me before continuing his story.
    “So I am standing there thinking we are going to have to start calling Larry crazy ass instead of old when we hear tires squeal and a crash outside. Hector, Larry, and I run out front to find Barb moving the shit I had put in front of the exit. I run over to help and see Heather’s car smashed into one of the concrete lights. They’re there to stop a smash and grab and I guess they work. Heathers out there and she’s got a few dead dudes between her and the store and a whole bunch more coming up from behind. She’s got a big old dirty Harry looking revolver in her hand! But that’s not the best of it; she also still has her work outfit on from Melon Mike’s! She starts blowing away the dead dudes and me and Barb duck down to watch. You know I’m not her biggest fan, but the