Surreal Ecstasy Read Online Free

one to admit it to
in the first place. But I also didn't want to think of good things happening to
me because I had stopped believing long ago that they were possible, or that I
deserved them.
    Despite
all that, however, I still believed in true love, and I knew exactly what type
of man I wanted. It began by watching fairy-tale movies as a girl and having
crushes on sitcom actors. It developed as I dated in high school, learning the
complexities of romantic relationships. Every time a relationship failed, I
added onto my mental list the traits my ideal man would have.
    I
wanted someone who loved me, someone who not only said the words to me
constantly, but would demonstrate it to me everyday, not just with sexual
expression, but in the way he'd treat me. I wanted a person who would look at
me like I was one of the Seven Wonders of the World; a person I would be
everything to. I would be his inspiration, and he would be mine. My feelings
would be more important to him than anyone else's. When I cry, he wouldn't
shake his head and walk away because he couldn't handle my emotions. Seeing me
cry would make him want to run to me faster. He would support me—literally help
me stand, if he had to—and ask me in the gentlest manner if I was okay, and
what he could do to fix it.
    And
if he couldn't fix it, he would just hold me and let me cry. He wouldn't be
afraid if I wept or screamed or complained. He would want me to express my
every thought and emotion because he'd want to know everything about me. He
would know me better than anyone. He'd know my most sinful, deadly, sexy
secrets, but instead of saying, "Don't worry, I still love you," he
would proclaim, "I love you even more now, because all these things you've
experienced in your past has made you what you are today."
    He
wouldn't be addicted to alcohol, money, drugs, women, video games, or his ego.
The simplest things in the universe would thrill him, and not because he
himself was simple. He would be a highly intelligent man, one who could
understand complex theories without batting an eye, someone who could be at the
brunt end of a woman's wrath but instead of hitting her back, would ever
practice patience and still be kind, continually evolving and becoming a better
person because of it. No, the beauty of the world would thrill him because he
would be enlightened. He would be like no other human on this planet could
possibly be.
    And
he would love me.
    I
dared to open my eyes for a moment to make sure no one had sneaked in my room
and was standing there, looking at me. The room, sadly, remained drab and
empty. I closed my eyes again and continued my train of thought, taking a
breath to relax myself. What kind of a person would he be? How would he behave
himself around other people?
    For
a reason I did not know, I felt myself smile thinking of this nonexistent
person, perhaps because I used Dess' husband for inspiration, remembering how
he interacted with people, and how respectful and sweet he was. My ideal man
would be the most respectful person you could ever hope to meet, both because
he was raised to be that way and because he honestly believed that was the only
way to treat people. People would take one look at him and know he was their
friend, that he would go to extremes to help them through any misery, and that
they could depend on him for a smile or a kind word.
    He
would have everything going for him—he would be gorgeous, intelligent, well
read, and knowledgeable enough about politics to discuss it at length with
anyone, regardless of their affiliation, and they would never feel offended. He
would also be funny—his humor would have no victims, and it would make you curl
up laughing on the floor until your sides hurt. He would also make a corny joke
now and then, but it would be deliberate, just to watch his friends squirm and
wonder if they should laugh or scold him for making such a bad joke. He would
know enough about women to make him a considerate,