Spanking Shakespeare Read Online Free Page A

balance again, crashed into my dresser, and ended up in a tangle with my penis exposed.
    Sally took a good long look as I lay there helpless, and her face screwed itself up in genuine disgust. “I’m leaving,” she announced.
    “Wait!” I screamed. Somehow, the thought of being abandoned like this was more than I could bear, and I started to cry. I cried because what should have been a momentous event had not been momentous at all. I cried because I had barely seen hers, but she had most certainly seen mine, and what she had seen had obviously fallen short of here expectations. I cried because I felt no wiser or more experienced than I had felt before, because I had done something that I knew was dirty and wrong, and because somehow I knew that my relationship with Sally would never be the same again.
    It could have been worse. No parents walked in, and nobody ever found out. But Sally had clearly lost interest in me. From that day forth, she chose her books over our games, and she paid me little attention in our hours together at school.
    Twelve years have passed since that first humiliation, and Sally and I still go to school together. We are not friends, though we do say hi when we pass in the halls. She’s a lesbian now, and sometimes I wonder if I am partially responsible.

OCTOBER
    Senior year is about two things: getting into college and getting laid. At my school, pretty much everybody is successful at the first, but only about half the guys in any given year are successful at the second. I’ve come up with a few theories about why this is so.
    Money.
We pay tens of thousands of dollars a year to attend college, but we hope to have sex for the price of dinner and a movie.
    Support.
When it comes to getting into college, everybody is in your corner. You’ve got a guidance counselor, you’ve got an SAT tutor, you’ve got people to help you with your essay. Who do you have helping you get laid?
    False Advertising.
Colleges only see you on paper before they accept you, and people always look better on paper than in person. Think about it. How many people respond to personal ads thinking they’ve found the man or woman of their dreams, only to be bitterly disappointed when the face-to-face meeting takes place?
    Safety Schools.
You don’t just apply to a few colleges and hope for the best. You apply to a lot of schools, including ones that are not your top choices but that you feel confident will accept you. If the object is going to college, then any school is better than no school at all. That’s the secret. Just get in somewhere.
    You know how people make lists of all the colleges they’re applying to? I decided to do the same thing with girls. Here’s what I have right now:

    UNREALISTIC, BUT WORTH FANTASIZING ABOUT
    Jody Simons:
    Jody Simons is in the popular crowd and has dated the boys that the popular girls date, but something about her seems different. For one thing, she volunteers for the school’s community service program and tutors disadvantaged children. For another thing, she has friends outside the party-going, trendsetting, partner-swapping circle she’s associated with. And for a third thing, she told me once she thought I had the coolest name. Even though we’ve never had a real conversation, I’ve convinced myself she has a secret crush on me that she’s been nursing since we were in a class together in tenth grade. I could stare at her legs forever.

    Lisa Kravitz:
    Lisa Kravitz and I were friends in elementary school, when she was still awkward and flat-chested. Toward the end of sixth grade, she blossomed into the hottest girl in the class, and since then I’ve had a huge crush on her. She’s one of those girls who’s friendly to everybody and probably knows everyone in our grade. When she spots me by the lockers or in the hallway, she always seems genuinely pleased to see me, and for a moment I can pretend that we’re still really close. She’s had a few not-so-great