others?â
âNo. Never. Why are you asking me this?â
âWell, maâam, one of the possibilities based on the evidence is that what happened to Mr. Powell and Ms. Walters was a murder-suicide.â
âNo,â I said plainly. âThatâs not possible. What is your evidence for that?â
âIâm not at liberty to say. I donât want to jeopardize our investigation.â Lewis maintained his monotone. âBut we havenât officially ruled either death a suicide at this time.â
âI donât believe that Ethan would ever kill another soul, much less himself. Are you investigating the possibility of foul play at the retreat?â
âWeâre looking at all angles right now,â Lewis said, âbut at this point we do not have anyone weâre calling a suspect.â
âI think you should be looking a little harder,â I snapped. âHow many murders does your department investigate a year?â
âWell, maâam, this county only has about a thousand full-time residents. So this is the first one in quite a while.â
âMaybe you should be handing this over to someone with more experience. Maybe the FBI or the New Mexico State Police. Because thereâs no way the man I love is a killer, and youâd know that if you did a little investigating.â I tried to keep my voice calm, but it started to get louder. I slowed down my speech to make my point. âIt. Is. Not. Possible.â
Lewis sighed. âListen. Between you and me, I do think thereâs something hinky going on at the retreat. But the guy who runs the place . . .â
âYoni?â I offered.
âYes. Yoni, John Brooks, what have you. Mr. Brooks has avery expensive team of lawyers, and heâs greased a lot of palms over the past few years among the people who run this county. Additionally, Mr. Powell and Ms. Walters died on unincorporated land and not at the retreat. As of yet, we have not been able to get a warrant to search the grounds, and we have not been able to interview Mr. Brooks or anyone else over there.â I detected a bit of frustration in the sheriffâs voice.
âYouâve got to be kidding me,â I said. âHow can you know anything about Ethanâs life without seeing where he worked and ate and slept?â
âWell, maâam, we canât get someone in there, at least not someone who is employed by Sagebrush County. But that doesnât mean a regular citizen couldnât stay there as a guest.â
I thought I detected a little wink in the sheriffâs deadpan. âAre you suggesting what I think youâre suggesting?â
âIâm not suggesting anything,â Lewis said, sans wink. âIâm just bringing you up to date on the current status of our investigation.â
âI see.â
âMy number is 575-555-7849. If you find yourself here in Sagebrush County, or if you think of anything that might be pertinent to our investigation, please give me a ring.â
I was so surprised by the sheriffâs suggesting I should stay at the retreat that all I could do was say âOkay.â
I looked down at my phone. I couldnât actually go out to the place where Ethan died, could I? I pictured the ample hair on his arms falling out and scattering in the desert wind, his body disintegrating and melding with the sand. My eyes blurred with tears and I doubled over. I cast the phone asideand sprawled out on the floor, crying so hard I thought I might throw up.
I stayed on the floor for a long time, even after I stopped crying. I turned on my side and propped my head on my hand, then started tracing the lines between the wooden floorboards. The physical occupation calmed my mind. Did I still love Ethan, present tense, like Iâd told Sheriff Lewis? Even after all those bitter years, all those hours logged in therapy? Hadnât that affection been talked out of