know that the guy ends up putting the frog back into the box and burying it again.
My legs are getting weaker. I trip over a hidden knot of intertwined roots and stumble forward, catching myself with my hands. I pause again, gulping air, listening. Nothing. More running.
Josh loves our little sister, Lisa. He adores her. Heâs constantly giving her piggyback rides and paying attention to her and buying her little presents, even when it isnât her birthday.
He doesnât love me. He doesnât even like me. When I first learned the meaning of the word
contempt,
I realized that itâs what he feels for me. I actually wrote that on a weekly vocabulary quiz for Mrs. Jensenâs fifth grade class. âContempt: what my brother Josh feels for me.â
Josh has since made an appearance in several other vocab quizzes as an example for the following words:
Mercurial. Volatile. Ruminative.
And
conundrum.
As in, âMy brother is an inscrutable conundrum.â
Because thatâs what he is to me: a mystery. I donât know what he thinks, what he does, who his friends are, where he goes at night when he comes home at sunrise, why he left college, what heâs doing home now without a job. Heâs a mystery, a closed door. And I think most of the time Iâm like a ghost to him, someone who barely registers in his consciousness.
The path has taken me back close to the creek, which is about fifteen feet off to my right. The tangle of trees is up ahead of me. Iâm maybe twenty seconds away from safety. I look over my shoulder. No sign of Josh. Iâm fine.
Then I look to my right, at the creek, and at the lawns that slope down toward it. Josh is there on the other side, jogging effortlessly along on a parallel course with me, relaxed and unconcerned. He waves cheerfully. I stop running. Whatâs the use. Then, with no warning, he alters his course and accelerates and rockets directly at me, as if the eight-foot-wide creek isnât there between us. And it might as well not be, because heâs suddenly airborne, and I watch with my jaw hanging open as his leap takes him in an impossibly high trajectory over the water to land practically next to me.
I stare at him, dumbfounded, my chest heaving.
âDonât . . .â I say, pausing to get more oxygen to my brain, âhit me.â
But he doesnât hit me. Instead he places a hand on my shoulder. I flinch anyway.
âIsaac,â he says, âwe have to talk.â
CHAPTER THREE
AN UNFORTUNATE PLAN IS CONCEPTUALIZED
âWhatâs the first thing you say up there onstage during your bar mitzvah?â asks Josh.
Above my head, the grass is rising and falling with each step Josh takes.
âJosh, would you please put me down?â
âNope. Whatâs the first thing you say up there, other than all the Hebrew stuff
?â
âI donât know.â
The grass is over my head because Josh has me slung over his shoulder and is carrying me back to the house. To be honest, itâs actually not that uncomfortable, now that Iâve stopped struggling.
âWhat you say,â says Josh, âis âToday, I am a man.ââ
âOh. Right. Which is pretty stupid.â
âYeah, Iâd say so. Are you a man?â
âUm . . . no?â
âNo, youâre not. Youâre still a boy.â
âThanks.â
âItâs a simple statement of fact.â
âYes, Iâm aware of that.â
An orange lawn sprinkler drifts by overhead, followed by an abandoned chewie toy. We must be crossing the Elofsonsâ yard. Josh could carry me like this for an hour in any direction and the scenery would look about the same: huge suburban lawns, wooded areas, broad, quiet streets, parks, golf courses, more lawns. The Golden Ghetto, one of the wealthiest communities in the country. My parents make fun of it and tell me how sheltered and coddled I am and how much better