Sleeping Freshmen Never Lie Read Online Free Page B

Sleeping Freshmen Never Lie
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I was the younger brother.
    I sat up as that sank in.
Older brother
. I was going to be an older brother. What did that mean?
    Protector. Teacher. Hero. Me? I’d barely survived my first day of school.
    I was brought back to reality by a light tap on my door. Dad popped his head in and asked, “You okay?”
    “I’m fine.” It was a harmless lie.
    He nodded and left.
    Maybe I should have asked him if he was okay. This had to be a huge shock for him. But he would probably have lied, too. That’s what guys do. If someone cut my head off, the last words whistling through my throat as my face plunged toward the floor would be, “I’m fine.”
    I said it again, to see if there was any truth at all in those words. Hard to know. It’s just as easy to lie to yourself as it is to lie to other people. Maybe easier.
    I’m fine. School will be easy. I’m not worried about anything. I’m happy for Mom. It sure will be wonderful to have a baby around the house
.
    I got back to work. But my thoughts kept drifting. Babies. Babies. Julia. Babies. Julia. If I could have just one date with her, I’d never want anything again. One date, and I’d be happy. Or if I could even just hang out with her, talking about stories and books. That would be so great.
    I tried calling Bobby around nine. He’d had his first girlfriend in seventh grade. And his second. And his third. If anyone could give me a couple tips, it would be him.
    There was no answer.
    Tips about high school would have been nice, too. Today would have been so much easier if I’d had advice from someone who’d already been there. But Bobby hadn’t been able to tell me anything useful. What about me? Years from now, when my little brother or sister was ready to start high school, would I remember anything?
    I tried to remember my first day of kindergarten. It was like riffling a deck of cards. Mostly blurs, with a couple of solid images flying past. Middle school was a bit clearer, but even that was fading. Would anything be left: of my memories of high school fifteen years from now? It was weird to realize I was going to forget things I hadn’t even experienced yet.
    I looked down at my textbooks. I wasn’t ready to tackle history or chemistry. Or algebra. I needed a break. It’s not like it would take that long once I got started.
    There was an extra notebook on my desk. I picked it up and stared at the blank page for a while, then wrote the date.
    • • •
    September 5
    Listen, you microscopic intruder. Guys don’t keep diaries. No way. At least, not any of the guys I hang out with. So this is NOT a diary. Okay? I hope we’re clear on that.
    So why am I messing up a perfectly good blank notebook? To give you an idea of what high school is like. And maybe give you some tips.
    I need to do this now, while I’m still feeling benevolent. Benevolent … How’s that for a great word? Which brings me to my first piece of advice: be careful with big words. People don’t like show-offs. They don’t like baby puke, either. So try to keep your food down. Okay?
    Right now, I can sort of cope, because you’re not real. After you’re born, I’ll probably hate you. So it’s good that I’m doing this now. Maybe it’ll make up for all the rotten things I’ll do to you later.
    Do babies float?
    Just kidding. Ha-ha. Of course you’ll float. Everyone knows babies are about 90 percent gas.
Pfffttt
. That’s a gas sound, in case you didn’t figure it out.
    I’m going to keep this short, because I’ve still got some homework. But I should write down the important stuff while it’s fresh in my mind.
Scott Hudson’s High School Survival Tips
    Keep away from seniors.
    Keep away from juniors.
    It’s probably a good idea to avoid sophomores, too, since most of them seem to want revenge for what happened when they were freshmen.
    Don’t ever kneel. Especially if there are big kids around.
    Never wear a dorky hat. Especially if there are big kids around.
    Don’t carry
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