Sleeping Freshmen Never Lie Read Online Free Page A

on the counter by the microwave. I went over, lifted it up, and stared at what lay beneath. Two magazines. I spread them out.
    No alien Elvises. No six-legged cows. Something much scarier. The first magazine had a smiling baby on the cover. The other showed a smiling woman who looked like she was smuggling a watermelon under her dress. I spun back to face my parents. “Did Bobby get some girl pregnant?” I wasn’t ready to be an uncle. And Bobby sure wasn’t ready to be a dad.
    Another perfect chorus from my parents. “No!”
    “Then who …?” I didn’t even need to finish the question. Mom’s face broadcast the answer.
    “We just found out,” Dad said. “Dr. Rudrick wanted your mom to take this medicine for her headache, but he needed to make sure she wasn’t pregnant first. As it turned out, she was.”
    A baby …
    I staggered back to the table. This was so huge, I couldn’t even grasp the full meaning. It was like trying to inhale all the air in a beach ball.
    Mom reached out and ruffled my hair. “Now don’t you worry. You’re still my little boy.”
    A baby …
    Images flashed through my mind, like a multimedia video from hell. I saw the whole house filled from floor to ceiling with dirty diapers. And puddles of baby puke. Clouds of scented talcum powder drifted through the scene like horror-movie fog. All to the background music of constant crying.
    “Quite a surprise, isn’t it?” Dad said.
    “Yup.”
    “We wanted to wait a while before we told you,” he said, “but I guess you suspected something was going on.”
    “So now you know our little secret,” Mom said. “We’re thinking Sean for a boy, and Emily for a girl.” She patted her stomach. “Hard to believe there’s a tiny life growing in there.”
    Hard to believe.
    “It’s a bit of a surprise for all of us,” Dad said.
    “But a good surprise,” Mom said. “I’m glad you know.”
    They started to eat. Dad worked his way through three big servings of chicken, with lots of gravy. At six-feet-four, he needs huge quantities of fuel to keep going. Mom nibbled one slice of meat and a teaspoon of stuffing.
    I kept watching them, as if I could lock away this scene somehow. Keep things the way they were. And I kept looking at Mom, trying to believe that a life was forming inside of her. It had to be some kind of mistake.
    Two minutes later, Mom dropped her fork and dashed off. I heard the bathroom door slam shut. A moment after that, I heard the sound of a slice of meat and a teaspoon of stuffing going the wrong way. And I’d been worried about baby puke.
    “Think she’s okay?” I asked Dad.
    “Yeah. It’s morning sickness.”
    “In the evening?”
    Dad shrugged. “Whoever named it screwed up. I’ll be back in a second.” He headed off to the bathroom.
    Mom seemed fine when she and Dad returned, but my appetite was shot. Dad was pretty much finished, too. “Just in time for the sports news,” he said after we’d cleared the table. “Join me?”
    “Great.”
    “Do you have any homework?” Mom asked.
    “Not a lot. I can finish it after this.” I followed Dad into the living room. I kept looking at him. He kept looking at me. But not at the same time. We took turns. And we didn’t talk about it. Except for two brief conversations.
    “Does Bobby know?”
    “Not yet. Guess we’d better tell him.”
    And later:
    “Where’s it going to sleep?”
    “We’re turning the spare room into a nursery.”
    “What about the slot cars? I thought we were going to put a track in there.”
    “I guess that’ll have to wait.”
    I had a feeling that wasn’t the only unhappy change headed my way. I watched the sports news and part of a movie with Dad, then went up to my room and sprawled out on my bed.
    Oh
    my
    God.
    Them having a baby was as outrageous as me becoming a father. Not that there was any danger of that happening right now. Everything was fine the way it was. The way it had always been. Bobby was the older brother.