Skin Deep Read Online Free Page B

Will has never
expressed any interest in having kids before. He’s too much of a kid himself!
As for me, I do want kids one day but I don’t know if I want to have them with
Will. ‘You can’t be serious.’
    Will leans forward. ‘Think about
it, Gem. We’ve got our own place, decent jobs. We’re solid. What’s to stop us
having a baby?’
    Okay, I have definitely lost my
appetite. I don’t think we are solid, but I can’t bring myself to discuss our
relationship right at this moment. ‘I’m due to have an operation soon. I can’t
concentrate on anything else.’
    Will is instantly contrite.
‘Sorry, Gem. I should have thought.’
    Yes, you should have, I think,
but I say nothing. What I do do is ring Kate as soon as I get home, leaving
Will to catch up on some football highlights.
    ‘Can I come and stay with you?’
    ‘Yes, of course, but you know
you’d have to sleep on the sofa?’
    ‘I know, don’t worry. It won’t be
for long. I just need a bit of time to think – away from Will.’ And here my
voice cracks. What Will said earlier has brought
things to a head. It’s over, I know that deep down, but I can’t bring myself to
say it, not yet.
    ‘Don’t cry. You’ll sort things
out with Will.’
      I shake my head miserably, then realise she
can’t see me. ‘I don’t think so, Kate.’
    ‘Because of the
baby thing?’
    ‘No, I think our relationship has
run its course. I’m not in love with Will any more. I love him like a brother.
The passion’s gone.’ I hadn’t been quite ready to end it, but Will has brought
things to a head.
    ‘Don’t make any rash decisions.’
    I want her to tell me
everything’s going to be alright, that I’m going to be alright, but she can’t.
No one can.
    ***
    I tell Will I’m leaving.
    ‘Is this about the baby idea?
Gem, it’s cool if you want to wait.’ He laughs. ‘Maybe I’m not ready for the
sleepless nights and cleaning up sick.’
    ‘It’s not just about the baby…’
    ‘I know what this is all about!
You want to get married right? Well, why not?’ Will drops to his knees. My
heart sinks as he takes hold of my hands. To think I used to dream of him
proposing. ‘Will you marry me, Gemma Jones?’ Will’s earnest blue eyes are fixed
on my face. His grin fades as the silence continues.
    I concentrate on the reassuring
tick-tock of the clock, trying to find the right words. Are there any? ‘I can’t
marry you, Will,’ I say softly. ‘I’m sorry.’ I hate hurting him, but there’s no
other way.
    He gets up. ‘So you don’t want to
have a baby with me, and you don’t want to marry me. What do you want, Gemma?’
He folds his arms.
    I wince at his tone. ‘It’s not
working – you and me.’
    ‘It was and it can again. That’s
why we should get married.’
    I wring my hands. ‘Getting
married isn’t going to fix things, Will. I love you, but I’m not in love with
you.’
    ‘What does that even mean?’ He
grips me by the shoulders. ‘I love you, Gem. This is just a blip. You’re not
thinking straight because of the skin cancer.’
    Actually I think I’m thinking
more clearly than I have in years. ‘But are you in love with me, Will, really?
Aren’t we more like brother and sister?’
    Will’s eyes are wide and
imploring. ‘We’ve been together for four years, Gem, and we’re a bit older now.
Of course the passion has faded, but I can’t imagine life without you. You’re
one of the fixtures and fittings.’ He grins.
    ‘We can have more than that,
Will, but with other people.’
    His smile falters. ‘Is there
someone else?’
    ‘Yes,’ I say, tears streaming
down my cheeks. Will’s face blanches. ‘Not in the way you think. He’s a
customer; he asked me out.’
    Will explodes: ‘Who the hell does
he think he is? You’re my girlfriend.’
    ‘I told him I was with someone.’
    ‘Good of you,’ Will sneers.
    ‘Don’t be like that.’
    ‘Don’t be like what? I’m entitled
to be pissed off when some bloke